At the half-century mark of life, one processes things much differently than at the quarter-century mark of life. With age comes a certain calm instilled by some hard-won wisdom – even if it’s the wisdom to genuinely acknowledge and admit how little we actually know.
These days, when faced with adversity or setbacks or the simple/profound toll the years of life take on a person, I find myself able to put just about everything on autopilot until such time that I can finally find some safe sanctuary in which to cry or break down or feel all of the things. That means I can go to work, keep this blog updated on the daily (it helps to have a schedule of postings up about a week in advance), post social media promos, and hang with family and friends all while my inner existence is crumbling.
At somewhat odds with the above is the realization that thanks to several years of serious therapy, I’ve learned not to keep it all bottled up – and my friends will vouch and attest that I’m much more open about talking about the shittier parts of life. My therapist would certainly second that, as she’s heard it all. Sometimes, in fact, I’m too open and blunt about what I’m feeling – and that cuts both ways.
Mostly though, I still process things on the inside, at least in the beginning, putting on a happy social media countenance and profile pic, a gleefully sardonic work persona, and a wise-cracking fun-guncle sidekick image for family and friend gatherings. It’s a state of autopilot and survival in one – and I’ve learned how to navigate the emotional storms in such a way as not to cause any damaging or long-term disruptions. Surely there’s a toll of some sort, and I’ll work it out in other ways. Being an adult of a certain age means sucking some things up, carrying on, and doing it all with a broken heart.
PS – Check out the new profile pic below – it’s only going up for a few days as our summer season on this website is about to change things up…
