Category Archives: Family

Some posts don’t need any words. 

A couple of weeks ago we had a family dinner with the whole Ilagan gang, one that spanned 92 years from Dad to my godson Jaxon, and it was one of those moments when it was best to be entirely present and simply take all of it in, especially the antics of Jaxon Layne, which change and evolve every single day. 

He’s teething now, which makes for an interesting rollercoaster of emotions and expressions, and Uncle Andy was there for every twist and turn. 

Somewhere within the time these photos were taken, Jaxon tooted right on Andy, which I believe is the baby’s way of marking their territory. Andy was way more amused than I would have been, so everything happens for a reason. 

Given his mischievous smile, I think Jaxon knew exactly what he was doing, and I can’t wait to see how he grows up. Every day brings something new and noteworthy, and as long as there are smiles and laughs interspersed throughout, and some sleeping time for Mommy and Daddy, Jaxon looks to be an adorable anchor for the family. 

Dad lights up whenever Jaxon is around, and they are often on the same sleeping pattern, especially if there’s a full moon on the rise. 

Noah and Emi are taking up lacrosse, growing up even faster than Jaxon, so we are just trying to follow along as best we can, with a sleepover in the near future should schedules align. In the meantime, these dinners with the newest Ilagan bring us all together, and any time I get to spend with this cute baby is time that soothes the soul. 

Dear Emi ~

I’m going to tell you a secret that in no way is intended to cast shade upon your father: I always wanted a little sister, but having you as my niece might actually be a little better. Your Uncle Andy saw from the first mischievous glint in your eyes that you would challenge and enthrall us, and since then you have proven him right, enriching our lives in ways we never expected. 

Noah may have beaten you out of the womb, but you’re one step ahead because you know the old tortoise and hare story, and you take your time to do things in your own way, which will serve you well for the rest of your life. Carrying on, and getting on with life while not worrying what others are doing is one of the greatest lessons one can learn, and you’ve already figured that out. 

You will laugh at me and roll your eyes like you always do when I tell you that what I’m about to say is the greatest compliment I can muster: you remind me of a better version of myself when I was your age, if I’d had the poise and genuine self-deprecation and awareness that you so preternaturally possess. I don’t even think you know it yet, which makes it all the more remarkable and impressive. Hold onto that if you can – I wish I could tell you how but clearly I never learned. 

You will face things I never had to face, because as a 13-year-old girl the world is still stacked against you for so many wrong and ridiculous reasons. You see that, though, and you aren’t so much bothered by it as you are willing to take up against such nonsense without giving it much thought. You are about to embark upon the most meaningful years of your life – what a daunting and powerful moment it must be – and I can’t wait to see how you navigate what’s to come. 

Emi, I don’t think you need your Uncle Al’s help because you have so much figured out already, but there may come a time when you just need someone to listen, or laugh with, or simply remember the silly stories that once made life so happy – and I will always be here for you. When it gets to be too much, when the rest of the world is unwelcoming, or unwilling to accept all the things you can’t quite explain, your Uncle Al will love you no matter what. 

Part of you can’t wait to get older, and your mind is already eons beyond your age – just remember the tortoise and the hare – take your time and enjoy the journey, enjoy all the moments, even the ones that seem to hurt and last forever. They will matter the most, and make the happy ones even happier. And if ever you need help or just an ear to listen, and there’s no one else who would understand, you know where to find me. Happy birthday, my sweet niece Emi.

Love,

Uncle Al

Holy shit – they’re now old enough to use language like this, and as today marks the 13th birthday of Emi and Noah, and our entrance into PG-13 territory, I’m at a bit of a loss to say much more than that, but here goes my best effort. They knew from the beginning that their Uncle Al would be no ordinary Guncle, even with Uncle Andy steadying the ship; this sea was going to be wild and free and more fun than anywhere or anyone else. They knew too that we’d get wet and messy and test each other’s patience sometimes, but in the end we’d have a good time, and maybe even become a little better for it. 

Watching these two remarkable children make their way through life for thirteen years has been as fascinating as it has been moving and edifying. They have probably taught me more than I will ever be able to teach them – and I’ve actually taught them a decent amount. My lessons and methods may be unorthodox and weird, but they always gave them a shot. (Getting two eleven-year-olds to sit down and meditate in silence might seem an impossible fool’s errand, but we managed at least five solid minutes, and that’s a success.)

From that rainy, warm day on which they were born, when Andy and I first saw them and held them, and they could fit in two hands, they captured our hearts and changed our family for the better. 

We’ve had many adventures, and sometimes that consisted of just a few hours of babysitting on my own, trying to herd two children who wanted to go everywhere all at once, as long as they were going in opposite directions, and headed toward something dangerous.

Throughout it all, they maintained the love between a brother and a sister – the unique love between twins – and had each other when the world would turn dim around them. 

Whenever I lost my faith in humanity, something that gets increasingly easy to do, I would think of Emi and Noah, and that faith would be somewhat restored. they were the living embodiment of hope, in all its flawed and imperfect forms, and with all its grace and innocence and power. 

The older they get, the better able I am to relate to them, and as they grow up and gain maturity, I seem to be on the opposite pathing of growing down and losing maturity. Those two trajectories have us on a path to meet somewhere in the middle sooner rather than later, and every time we get together it gets a little more fun. 

For now, they are still young enough to enjoy their Uncle Al’s quirkiness and eccentricities without cringing too deeply at my middle-aged ignorance of what’s trendy at the moment. As a wise mother once said in ‘Mean Girls’, “You girls keep me young. Oh I love you so much.”

Now that they have welcomed a baby brother into the family, they graduate to older brother and sister status, and the real work and role-modeling begins. Our own adventures shall continue, and I’m already plotting out our next trip to Boston and beyond…

Happy Birthday Noah and Emi! You are adored, you are loved!!

Bringing a batch of birthday blondies to my brother, I got to see this little guy just maxing out and relaxing in the sunlight of a Sunday afternoon. Jaxon is one happy little baby, content to rock in his chair and let the world do its thing, while he watches and observes, occasionally cracking a smile or wincing at the foolishness of all us adults hustling and bustling about. At only seven months old, he already has a certain centered peace to him, and though I am usually good about hightailing it out when a crying fit might be about to occur (I’ve got a heightened-sense about it thanks to several years of practice with these two) even when he cries it’s not the crazy mess that babies can sometimes become. 

His chill, laid-back attitude bodes well for coping in a world where insanity is the order of the day. Luckily, everyone is making sure he’s kept peaceful and comfortable for as long as possible. There will be time enough to grow up later. For now, we enjoy a sunny day at the end of February. 

His expressions are such that I could easily fill the rest of this blog’s life up with pictures of Jaxon alone. That’s a comforting thought for when I scrape the bottom of the barrel for content, and for those who are over my own tired shenanigans. ‘The Life & Times of Jaxon Layne’ has a certain gorgeous ring to it… 

Brotherly love is a bond that should remain unbroken, and for my brother and I that has largely proven to be true. We may have our differences – vast and many and sometimes irreconcilable – but we are brothers, and nothing will ever change or alter that. Today is my brother’s birthday – and since he’s the only brother I have (to my knowledge) I hold him a little closer to my heart in spite of any differences. 

Over the years, I’ve seen him change and grow, while doing some changing and growing myself, and we find ourselves having more in common than we may have realized. We also understand our differences a little better, and rather than having them work against us, we are more amenable to accepting them and loving each other. His children and fiancée Landrie have gone a long way toward bringing us closer together as well, and that’s the way it should be. 

As he embarks upon his next trip around the sun, I wish him the best – Happy Birthday Powie!

It was two years ago when the twins and I last ventured into Saratoga. That visit was in the prime of summer, on a slightly overcast day when ‘The Goonies’ was playing at the movie theater there, and we made a day of it.

This past Sunday, to kick off their winter break, we had the twins overnight, and on Monday we had a day in the August place to be. It’s a drastically-different vibe than in summer, when we could have our ice cream on the sidewalk and not worry about the wind or cold, but the magic and charm was in full effect. 

As they race toward their 13th birthday, I feel the rush of their childhood, like the rush of all childhood – gone so quickly, yet encapsulated in moments like this that somehow seem to last, even if it’s just in a memory, or a blog post. 

They are still young enough to find new discoveries around every corner, and old enough to humor their uncle in his many requests to pause for a photo shoot. 

We lunched at The Mercantile, where we went the last time we were in town. As adventurous as they may sometimes be, Noah and Emi also find comfort in the familiar, and since they enjoyed our last meal there they wanted to try it again, followed by a sweet treat at the same ice cream place. We couldn’t duplicate the sidewalk seating just yet, but as we walked along Broadway the afternoon sun felt warm, and the slightest hint of spring was on the wind. 

We found gifts for Landrie and Paul, who would bring Jaxon over to our home for his first visit and a casual Filipino dinner. The twins will be thirteen years old before Jaxon even turns one – markers of time the way children often are, even under the sporadic observation of doting uncles. 

And so life moves gently, and adorably, onward…

These days my Dad isn’t always engaged or aware of everything around him, but every once in a while we get him to perk up, and then we get to see the glimmer of the man he used to be. My newest nephew Jaxon usually gets Dad to smile and pay attention, and he seems equally enthralled by the old man in front of him, making it a happy connection for both. 

Over ninety years of age separates these two guys, but they seem to have a bond that cuts those years away – the heartwarming connection between grandfather and grandson. 

Like many families, ours has decidedly been structured around a matriarchal tradition: my mother has been the central figure who has largely held our family together throughout my entire life. From my first moments of mental recognition, I saw that our mother was the person who really ran things in our home. Dad may have gone out to work every day and doled out discipline when we got out of hand, but I saw and understood that the real person in charge was Mom. As such, I never doubted or had any society-skewed view of gender roles in our home. I viewed my parents largely as equals, and if anything the strength and power and charge of our family resided in Mom. If I have any decent recognition of the equality among genders, it’s due to my Mom’s example. 

She taught me and my brother many things over the years, molding us into the people we would become, teaching us a certain grace and unassuming humility, mostly because we never saw her engage in ugliness or confrontations or judgment. She took the best of her Catholic faith and lived it rather than preaching or talking about it. Her work as a nurse and later a professor of nursing showed me how we could help others – not by shouting about it or heralding her own efforts, but simply by doing. 

It’s a tradition that continues to this day, as she takes care of my father in his advancing age and medical condition, as well as her three grandchildren, to whom she is affectionately known as ‘Lola’. Her two sons are also still largely dependent on her for guidance and strength, as we find our own way as adults. This is her birthday, and while she deserves this sort of recognition every day, I’m putting it into print here to honor her in the only way that I can. 

Happy birthday, Mom – we love you!