By the time August of 1999 rolled around, almost a year into my first office job, I’d made a name for myself in the research department at John Hancock, and more importantly to my young and foolish heart, I’d fallen in love and was set to leave the city of Boston for the city of Chicago and an apartment with my boyfriend at the time. It was time to move on from that job anyway – the research project on which I was working was entering the next stage, which meant our little group would be splintering off. There were whispers of permanent employment for those who did well and might be interested in such a thing, but that wasn’t me at the time. When asked if I wanted to stay on, I did what you’re never supposed to do: tell the truth. I was leaving, and no one could persuade me otherwise. The heart wants what it wants, and in some ways I was simply scared to stay. Immaturity works that way. 

Before my last day, I circulated a little velvet book that I asked all my co-workers to sign. Whether they, or I, wanted to admit it or not, we had formed a little work family. We also knew how to play when the day was done, and while our group was filled with all sorts of people from all walks of life, we became part of each other’s lives. Whenever you go through something at such a pivotal time of life, it informs your history, and at twenty-three years old, I was ripe for being influenced. I’ll let their words speak for whatever impact I left on them; they showed me acceptance and inclusion when I’d almost given up on both. 

“Alan, Well to top things off I would like to say “thank you” for I feel honored and privileged knowing that I am the chosen one to set things off. I would like you to know it was a pleasure working with you and sometimes hard but bearable. The advice you gave to me was a big help in some way… I wish you and P— the best wishes in Chicago. You know in a month or two I’ll probably be saying I’m manless but at least A—- is in the picture for now. Alan you are a great friend, a wonderful and crazy person, but most of all you are fun and an asshole and I love you.” – Tamekia

“Alan, I met you on January 5, 1999, my first day at John Hancock’s ADR project at 380 Stuart Street, Boston. My first job outside (full-time) the home in 16 years. You made me feel good about myself. You taught me to listen to my feelings, and show happy, sad, mad, glad. Your e-mails, signs, posters all showed me the same. Happy, you smile miles wide. Sad, you make faces (pouty) and make it perfectly clear your feelings. It has been a pleasure to know you and work with you. Your kind nature (sending my daughter a post card from Chicago) will take you far. Your love of writing (never stop) will pay your bills someday. You now need to cut the apron strings and fly on your own. Always take care of yourself first. Think before you get involved in a relationship. Best of luck.” ~ Marion

“Alan, I arrived here for my first day of work and met you. Alan, you were hung over from the weekend. Yes this is my first memory of you. Everyone asked, ‘Did you meet the Madonna fan Alan?’ Yes, I did and I’m glad I met you. You became the person I could joke with. Have fun in Chicago. It’s a fun city – you and P— should have a lot of fun. You were able to make this job fun. When you move to Chicago keep that sense of humor. Alan you were a great person to work with and call a friend. Don’t drink too much. Stay in touch, keep being that asshole you are, and never forget us in Boston. We will miss you. I will miss you.” ~ Craig

“What’s up Alan – it’s been super cool working with you. The only thing that wasn’t cool is that I missed your party and missed all that drinking (ha, ha). But on another note you’re a very cool person and I wish you the best of luck in the big Windy City.” ~ Will

“Alan, I have to say I will miss your one-of-a-kind attitude and overall personality… when you’re at your next job if you need to pull out a staple ask someone for a ‘staple remover’ – that’s what it’s called, not a candy opener.” ~ Shawn

“Dear Alan, We pretty much share the same qualities, so of course I am going to miss someone who has the wit, charm, personality and intelligence as myself! I wish you all the best in Chicago! Stay strong! For only the strong survive. Peace.” ~ Reggie

“Alan – How you ever survived a full year of this hell-hole, I will never know! You did it and you’re out – you should be extremely proud of yourself. It was wonderful having you at work everyday. You made me smile, which is hard to do… I rarely cross paths with individuals like you. I like your sassiness and your wit. Keep your head up and your spirit strong. It has been a pleasure talking with you and seeing that smile everyday. I wish we had more time to get to know each other, but I have enjoyed these past few months. If you ever need a helping hand or a listening ear, you can call or write anytime. I would absolutely love to hear from you! I envy your strength and pride, a few of the wonderful qualities you possess. You are wonderful. You have made my job more enjoyable. Thank you!!” ~ Jaime

“Alan, Alan, Alan!! It’s been almost a year now and I still can’t figure out how you stayed so long with such a good writing ability. Use those skills man and you will go very far in life, and hey maybe you’ll even met Madonna! (Did I tell you I have pictures of her house?) We have been through a lot together – Sandy’s belly-aching, JoAnn, Kira breaking the spreadsheet, but those experiences are nothing compared to what you’re up against in the windy city… [whited-out sentence] That was the most dorky sentence I ever wrote. In fact I think I might white it out. Now I bet you’re wondering what I wrote? Am I getting to you. Am I getting to you!!! But hey seriously, good luck and have fun. Send me mail, I don’t have any friends. Good luck.” ~ Shawn M.

Twenty five years ago I was working in the ADR Research Department of John Hancock Insurance. They needed people to delve into years and years of records to address a class action lawsuit, and that’s about all I was told. It involved scanning microfiche and writing down duplicate numbers and reporting our findings to people at the next level. To this day, I’m not sure what we were looking for or if any of our numbers made any difference, good or bad. All I cared about was that I was getting paid, and had some money to go out and party like I was twenty-three. (A twenty-three-year-old like myself was too busy discovering the city of Boston, seeking out love, and hoping to get past all the shitty things that could and did happen to a young gay man in the 90’s. Simple survival was a feat in an of itself.)

It was my first office job, and after working in an orchid greenhouse, a hospital cafeteria, and a store named Structure, I embraced its regular hours and laid-back requirements. Showing up on time and simply doing what you were told to do puts you ahead of the majority of people in my experience. Not being a complete dick helps too, as does some wit and style. All in all, I learned what an office was like, and it quickly became clear that it wasn’t so much the work that mattered as it was the group of people with whom you did it. Being a nameless cog among many nameless cogs was a strange and surprising comfort to me; standing out takes a greater toll than anyone who doesn’t often stand out could ever understand. 

Our office was not in what used to be known by all as the John Hancock Tower, but right across the street in a much smaller and nondescript building. While our work was done there, our lunches were mostly taken in the expansive cafeteria in the basement of the main tower, and we also had access to the observatory if we wanted to show the city off to any visiting friends or relatives. Working for a company so emblematic of Boston didn’t thrill me anymore than working for a retail store did, but it did make me feel like I was genuinely part of the city at last. And slowly, I made a few friends, and impacted the dull office that had never seen the likes of someone like me…