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August, Slipping Away

Salt air, and the rust on your door
I never needed anything more
Whispers of “Are you sure?”
“Never have I ever before”

From Taylor Swift’s masterpiece ‘folklore’, this is ‘august’ – a fitting companion to this trying post from last year around this time. Last August the house was filled with the music from ‘folklore’ – and when ‘evermore’ came out a few months later, it was a year  that was backed by Swift, who usurped the non-stop wall of sound that had previously been occupied by Madonna. She hinted at the musical huntress she was about to become with ‘The Archer’ and I started listening back then. 

The mark of great music for me is whether you can listen to something for a long time, then come back to it and still feel the same emotional thrill while discovering new elements, new sounds, new nuances that escaped you on the first few listens. A good album grows and evolves that way, revealing itself slowly over time, and resonating in differing stages of development. 

But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
‘Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
‘Cause you were never mine

For all the awfulness of 2020, the melancholy musical journey that Swift framed and guided us through was an integral part of how I managed to survive and at times thrive when the world around us fell to pieces. She provided a contemplative background for processing the dramatic shift in how we lived our lives, and the ways we were all changing. Change isn’t easy for most people – looking back the entire population experienced the greatest changes most of us had ever experienced as far as socialization and day-to-day life went. 

Your back beneath the sun
Wishin’ I could write my name on it
Will you call when you’re back at school?
I remember thinkin’ I had you
But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
‘Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
‘Cause you were never mine

In so many ways, both wondrous and wicked, that year feels like a dream and a nightmare. How did we manage to make it through? And how did it keep twisting and turning as it careened into 2021 without a drastic return to what we all thought would be something better? It’s too soon to tell – we’re still in the muck of it and we don’t seem to be learning the lessons we are too stubborn or stupid to try to learn. I fear for all of us. 
Back when we were still changin’ for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you’d call
And say, “Meet me behind the mall”
So much for summer love and saying “us”
‘Cause you weren’t mine to lose
You weren’t mine to lose, no
August is one of the trickiest months of summer. September has already given up the ghost. July is prime. And June… ahh… June… June is nearly perfect. But August, so full of herself one moment, so timid and unsure the next – she’s fickle and fun and infuriating. Maybe not the most happy or peaceful months in which to be born, another illustration of how little say we actually have in the world. 
But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
‘Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
‘Cause you were never mine
‘Cause you were never mine, never mine
August holds the heart in tremulous and deceptively-delicate hands, rough and wizened from digging in the earth as some Virgos are wont to do, yet tender and easily cut. August sunsets bleed behind shadowy oak trees that will hang onto their leaves long after they have browned and expired. August lends the world both flowers and seeds, the excitement of the hunt and the plight of the hunted. She toys and teases, carouses and caresses, and when you think she has finished with you she starts all over again, setting up a second act of summer that sifts into September. 
But do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up and said, “Get in the car”
And then canceled my plans just in case you’d call?
Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
“Meet me behind the mall”
Remember when I pulled up and said, “Get in the car”
And then canceled my plans just in case you’d call?
Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all
(For the hope of it all)

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