“If we let the suffering come up and take over our mind, we can quickly be overwhelmed by it. So, we invite another energy to come up at the same time, the energy of mindfulness.
With the energy of mindfulness, we can recognize our pain and embrace it tenderly like e another whose baby is crying. When a baby cries, the mother stops everything she is doing and holds the baby tenderly in her arms. The energy of the mother will penetrate into the baby and the baby will feel relief.
The function of mindfulness is, first, to recognize the suffering that is there and then to take care of the suffering by identifying and embracing it. It is important that we are able to name what we are feeling, to identify what is making us suffer so that transformation, peace, and joy can be possible.
We can embrace our sorrow and pain, our anger and fear, with the energy of mindfulness, we’ll be able to recognize the roots of our suffering. And we’ll be able to recognize the suffering in the people we love as well.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
My meditation has, well, had, as one of its main components, a list of my family members and their various health issues and aspects on which I would focus for each session. When Dad died, I no longer had a need to go through his health, his vital organs, his mental fortitude, and all the other topics on which I spent one lengthy inhale and its lengthier exhale for each. And so I shifted. ‘Breathing in, I feel that I am alive. Breathing out, I feel that my Dad is alive within me.‘ About ten of these breaths took the place of all his health issues I used to focus on, and my meditation continued daily, providing a space and refuge in which I still felt the presence of my Dad near me.
These daily meditations helped ground my grief, forming a continuation of something I did when Dad was alive, proof that his transition out of his physical shell was merely that – a transition rather than an end. He stays with me through my meditations now, a comforting presence that eases the sadness of not having him be here in person. It’s ok to feel that sadness – it’s all still rather raw – and I notice it when I lash out at silly insignificant problems and set-backs. At those times, I have to remind myself to breathe again, to slow down and accept the sadness and loss, and then to keep breathing.
It doesn’t always work, but the periods of frustration and anger grow smaller, the flashes of rage more subdued and manageable, and slowly a longer arc of healing reveals itself.
“Mindfulness can heal us and transform our grief and sorrow. It is the energy that helps us know what is happening in the present moment, within us and around us. It is possible to change our life with the practice of mindful breathing, sitting, and walking. If we can mange to be mindful while doing these basic things, then we’ll more easily be able to handle our painful feelings and emotions when they arise.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
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