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Friendsgiving 2023: Hurt and Understanding

Well, hello there good old friend of mine
You’ve been reaching for yourself for such a long time
There’s so much to say, No need to explain
Just an open door for you to come in from the rain

On that first night reunited, Kira and I touched on what had gone on in our lives over the last year. In order to start the next chapter of our friendship, and move into the future together, we needed some reckoning with the past. We’d both been hurt, and we’d both hurt each other a little bit through miscommunication and misunderstanding. Kira had much to explain, and it is her tale to tell, so I won’t betray a trust; for my part, I finally could see a little into what had happened between us, and my expectations for friendship – always too high and too much – were set into a new relief. Too many moments of import had gone down in our lives together to give up now, and with some distance and calm analysis, I realized how much of my own shit had seeped into how we had been relating. 

It’s a long road when you’re on your own
And a man like you will always choose the long way home
There’s no right or wrong, I’m not here to blame
I just want to be the one to keep you from the rain, from the rain…

Friends will have disagreements – it’s a sign that they mean something more to us – and the best ones get caught up in blame and hurt and pain like the closest family, because that’s what they are. Though I don’t have many fights with friends these days, I’ve always been one to be all right with them as they arise, because I trust that my best friends know that we can fight and still be friends the next day. At least, I hope they know that. 

Friendships also change and evolve through the years, as we change. Long-distance friendships morph in ways that might feel more dramatic and dangerous – the buffer of time and distance working their insidious trouble without the reassurance of a shared daily existence. There is just so much a text or phone call can convey – and quite frankly I’m quite exhausted with both means of communication. Give me a handwritten letter over that nonsense any day. 

As we wound up our Friday re-entry into Boston, and into a renewed friendship, the coziness of the condo took over, warming our hearts as we celebrated a weekend of Friendsgiving – a weekend of gratitude and thankfulness that we were still here, still together, still alive in this wild and wayward and wonderful world. 

And it looks like sunny skies now that I know you’re all right
Time has left us older, and wiser, I know I am
Well hello there, good old friend of mine
It’s so good to know my best fiend has come home again
And I think of us like an old cliche
But it doesn’t matter ’cause I love you anyway
Come in from the rain

The first hints of holiday music played over the stereo, and I put up most of the Christmas decorations for the month to come. We gave in to the early indulgence because, well, we needed it a little earlier this year. When morning came, the sun was strong, the day looked promising, and everything was as if we never said good-bye – because we never did. 

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