Category Archives: General

The Balm of the Beautyberry

Callicarpa, commonly known as beautyberry, is coming into its glory just as the season of the sun is preparing for the slumber of winter. I happened upon this one while in Manchester, VT – and that’s usually how it happens. I don’t grow any in our yard because the payoff comes too late in the season to be fully enjoyed, but I love seeing these glorious purple berries against their light green foliage in other gardens. 

There are a few in the Southwest Corridor Park in Boston, and they’ve always been a comfort to see. Whether it’s because they recall sunnier days, or offer an extension to the warmer season, I find their beauty very much a balm at the time of the year when the cold clicks in for the long haul. 

 

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Glimpse of Grace

On the way to Amsterdam, with a feeling of gratitude for Andy being behind the wheel so I can watch the fall color go down with the sun, I sink back into the seat and let the last light of the day lull me into the briefest of naps. 

A quick little peek of water provides a glimpse of Sunday afternoon grace, a piece of what it once felt like to be in the hush of church at those moments when faith and spirituality became something tangible, something I could touch and wrap around me. It didn’t happen often, but it did happen. It’s how I understand the power of religion – those little brushes with grace

When the light is just right, or the wind is just so, and you let yourself let go of the cares and concerns of the wickedness of this world, you may find the grace like a sliver of the sublime. It’s a bittersweet thing, because it doesn’t happen all the time – at least, I haven’t been lucky enough to manifest it all the time. That tells me there is more to learn, secrets that might reveal a more regular method of brushing against the sublime

The sky was unsettled, and the best thing about an unsettled sky, despite the rain it may bring, is that it’s a often a thing of dramatic beauty. It brushes that beauty upon the trees and the water and the land beneath it. One of the best-kept secrets of the universe is how it is the sky that decides what sort of day we are having, not the sun: that sun is shining day and night – it’s the stuff that comes between us that makes all the difference. 

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Woolly Key

The question of what the banding on the woolly bear caterpillar indicates as far as winter goes is answered (at least one version of an answer) in the helpful diagram below. Based on what I can see of the specimen I found earlier this fall, this may be a mild winter. From this caterpillar’s fur to Mother Nature’s ear. 

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Before the Madness Departs, A Recap

Mercury is scheduled to slip out of retrograde emotion at long last, hopeful ending this recent spate of insanity and difficulty. It’s been a doozy of a few weeks, and I’m ready to put it all behind us and move into the latter half of October. Godspeed, Mercury, to the return of your typical trajectory. On with the weekly recap…

Last week began with the haunting memory of Matthew Shepard

A watery reprieve.

Phasing out Facebook feels like the right thing to do at this moment. 

A scarf and a belt

Colors of October.

A lackluster Madonna Timeline.

A flower on Newbury Street.

My Uncle died of COVID, and he wasn’t vaccinated

A cat sleeps in Manchester.

Go easy on me

Chilly fall start.

Arborvitae in the afternoon light

The Dazzlers of the Day were Polo Morín and Lynda Carter.

 

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Chilly Fall Start

A chilly start to the morning is ameliorated by the cup of matcha which gives off little tendrils of steam beside me. We haven’t hard a hard frost yet, and the mornings have been rather pleasant, but Andy has noticed the geese already heading South. Maybe they know more than we do about the weather to come. 

It is dark when I get up for work now, something that will change slightly when we move the time back by an hour in a couple of weeks. We’ll have earlier morning light then, but it will go away sooner at the end of the day, and then the dark will almost arrive by the time I get out of work. Fall and winter often offer no-win situations like that. There’s always a trade-off for the glories of spring and summer.  

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A Cat Sleeps in Manchester

Forgive the shortness and mediocrity of blog posts like this – work has me completely wiped out and I’ve not been able to muster the energy to write much at night. That which I have written feels flat and sad. This cat is doing what I need to do more often. We found it happily napping on an early afternoon in Manchester, Vermont. I liked how content it looked, and envied the ease with which it found such rest. 

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Phasing Out FaceBook

When I joined Facebook in 2007, social media was a very different animal. In the ensuing decade-plus of online evolution, things got better, and then they got much worse, to the point where I’m mostly only on Facebook to post my blog links. And that seems to be pointless anyway, since many people will comment on a link I posted and it’s very clear they didn’t even visit it. Add to that the vitriolic behavior, the proliferation of misinformation and lies, and the annoying ads that show exactly what I want, only to lead to the page the item is on showing it completely sold out. And then there’s the problematic and inconsistent censorship they have inflicted on my ass (and other assets) over the years, which fueled my web traffic as well as initial fury. Finally, there are the comments. I’ve culled my friends to the point where I don’t get that many rude comments, but everywhere else I visit the comments are horrendous, car-wreck collections that ruin any spare moments I go down one of those rabbit holes. 

All of those things have been slowly been eroding my interest in remaining there on any meaningful manner. A few friends of mine have totally shut down their accounts, and seem all the happier for it. While I don’t myself completely deactivating my account, I’ve already pulled away in a lot of ways. The other night I deleted about 60 albums – thousands of photos going back to 2008. Most are still on this website, so this will be the main repository for that sort of thing, as long as it’s standing. Facebook will remain a source of contacts and seeing birthdays and such, but I see myself moving farther an farther away from its reach. 

{Follow me on Twitter instead.}

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A Watery Reprieve

When Andy said he was going to keep the pool going for a while as the temperatures looked stable for another week or so, I was slightly skeptical, but he turned out to be right. Yesterday the sun came out for the afternoon, after steaming a bunch of shirts of the work-week ahead, I was sweaty enough to appreciate a dip in the pool, likely the last. It felt good to float again, to approach the closest we humans get to feeling what it’s like to fly. The sky reflected on the surface of the water as the sun illuminated the clouds moving overhead. 

In a season where treats and indulgences are overhyped and too-often disappointing, this rare extension of the season of sun was a welcome and appreciated brush with the pleasantly sensual – a calming and quiet moment that was unexpectedly restorative. 

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Dazzler of the Day: Polo Morín

Mexican actor and model Polo Morín earns his first Dazzler of the Day honor thanks to everything you see here. Sometimes, that’s more than enough. 

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October’s Balmy Monday Recap

Having spent the weekend mostly in Boston, I’m getting back into the Albany bearings, so forgive this brief intro to the weekly recap. Not that I believe for one second anyone minds brevity when it comes to my words… on with the recap! PS – Watch your ass because Mercury is still in retrograde – and this one seems to be a doozy. 

Berries and asters, no cream.

Kiss my asters.

A moment in the woods.

More truth to power.

Borne back by night

Ben Cohen’s new calendar!

Lime curry yogurt treat.

The glow of the candle knows

Our annual fall adventure with the twins included a trip to Manchester, VT as well as the traditional treasure hunt

Blast from the past with Uncle Andy.

Opening salvo to soup season.

Water-kissed florals for fall.

Berries falling to peaceful music.

Bagnificence and booty.

Naked but for an apron.

National Coming Out Day.

Dazzlers of the Day included Tabitha Brown and Chris Meloni.

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Bagnificence

A return to the splendor of color has been an intent of this season on the blog. It definitely feels like I’ve moved into the winter of this website’s lifespan, and with archived work that now spans well over a decade (and unarchived posts that have been lost since its inception in 2003) there is an albatross-like sense of baggage to the whole scene, a heaviness that one might want to release at some point. To shake things up, and keep this space as visually appealing as possible, I’ve tried to inject some stronger hues to the layout and the posts. Hence this bag, in which I’ve been carrying toiletries to and from Boston on recent visits there. The colors are gaudy, the design is ridiculously over-the-top, and the overall effect is one of magnificent bagnificence.

For a very long time, I kept my travel items subtle and unobtrusive. A monogrammed Louis Vuitton Keepall and its iconic ‘LV’ design was the showiest I got, and toiletry kits were even less fancy. I’m not sure why – maybe because travel status is so temporary and fleeting. I didn’t want to get attached or love something that I would only use a few weeks out of the year. What an idiot I was! How much joy have I cheated myself out of over the years? These days I use the brightest and gaudiest carrying accoutrements I can find, such as the little floral piece seen here, or this item from this post, originally intended to accompany me to a fabulous weekend in New York.

Such frivolous joys, such silly accessories – and such giddy effects. Trinkets and charms do make the day go by, and in such pretty fashion why would we settle for something in any way dull or merely utilitarian? Too many opportunities to be colorful go to waste. No one wants to cause a scene or make a production. No one wants to make waves or cause a commotion. Here’s to starting a riot with a bag of flowers! Here’s to engulfing your head in a scarf of scarlet fire! Here’s to skating through life in a pair of lime-green-soled sneakers! With so little to create allure these days, such tiny frivolities feel like home, and I find comfort in all this color. 

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Borne Back By Night

Borne back by the night, by the song of a piano in the fall, I stumble into something that feels like crying, or a heaviness of the heart that doesn’t quite lift when it should. Like a house at the turn of a stream, where the water forever falls, even in the hottest and happiest summers, the heart stands still while the world flows around it. 

Looking into the rush of the water, I see stones that have kept their stillness and place,  unbothered by the babbling around them, undisturbed by the algae, untouched by the fish – I try to embody the implacable peace and resignation of those stones, the way they so calmly exist without intruding. Longing for that stillness, I imagine sinking beneath the water and beneath the silence – beneath the fall and the winter and the spring to come – and there is a tranquility in that space. 

There is a little sliver of grace in that moment – the water ever flowing, never the same, never replenished and yet never-ending. Masters of mindfulness sometimes offer the image of a pebble dropped into a stream to aid in achieving a state of meditation, the idea of the pebble sinking straight down despite the swirl of water around it. While water plants and animals swim and undulate in the currents of the stream, the pebble stays to its quick path, then remains where it lands – a point of absolute stillness and serenity no matter what madness whirls about above it. 

I yearn for the certainty of that, for the grace of being within that stillness. We each seek it in our way, at least I hope that we do. It seems like such a noble quest. I want to believe we all want to be better, even as the world batters me with the irrefutable news of how awful we can be to one another. And then I wonder if maybe the world is already broken, like a tree that splits and crumbles under its own weight and some other unforeseen disaster, irreparable and irreplaceable, and we can only live in a place that’s forever fractured. 

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More Truth to Power

“This problematic dynamic extends beyond closed -off communities, or even the confines of a coffeeshop, to impact virtually every fragment of our broken socioeconomic framework. Only witnessing white people fulfilling the specific roles leads to the confused, equally damaging belief that only white people can fulfill certain roles; this brutal falsification is integral to marring Black advancement across a wide spectrum, while marshaling in mediocrity and impugning progress from the business world to the world of sports. Only seeing white CEOs or white head coaches, or, applying such clinical perplexity, are more qualified for these positions. The whole notion of “quality” has hence become synonymous with white skin. Where those attempts to redress discrimination will almost certainly inspire ballyhoo about reverse discrimination – or the belief that more qualified persons will thereby lose out – it suggests that diverse hires will always suffer from those fires of deformation. It is this intrinsic stigma that subjects us to perpetual setback in the supercilious eyes of the majority. 

Conjecture that quality, not race, should solely determine opportunity hints at something even more revealing than any babble that Black folks must therefore be inferior. It lets on that those entities enjoying unfettered opportunity cannot bear the thought of standing in the shoes of those whose race has impacted their opportunities or lack thereof. By all accounts, such an exercise, contemplating the idea that, due to unfairness, one could suffer a staggering reversal of fortune, is scary to the point of panic, a prospect that most individuals find truly foreboding.

By expressing pique at the idea their own person could be devalued due to such a superfluous matrix as race indicates that the answer staring them right in the face, that true lightbulb moment, need not be unplugged through indignation – as such umbrage comes at the expense of enlightenment. Primacy always has a funny way of tripping up progress in these moments, with hubris lapping humility in mere seconds. Yet such a flagrant lack of logical thinking is to me, and most marginalized people, incomprehensible. It means the resultant lack of representation in American spaces is nothing but illogical yet, given their unabashed petulance, likely to persist

What this really means is that even an overqualified African American cannot contend with such chronic unconscious bias and widespread resentment. We could set ourselves on fire and still not be able to compete with these contortions – try as we might, we still cannot actually be seen, or rather accepted for both who and what we are. Because our world, rife with imbalance, continues to reflect a particular, even peculiar reality, many boldly choose to accept that outcome, ignoring iniquity because of its personal benefits, preferring instead to view this warp as happenstance not habit, or inconsequential when it is all too encouraged.”

~ Cyrus McQueen, ‘Tweeting Truth to Power’

{You may purchase the complete book here.}

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Mossy Moment

This was just a moment in the woods. 

A mossy moment.

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These Little Asters

Another hint of a woodland walk, these little asters run rampant throughout the woodland edge of my parents home, and I see them all over at this time of the year. Unremarkable on their own – the blooms are small and unimpressive – they make their effect when viewed close up, or en masse, when they appear like pretty little clouds tinged with lavender and pink. In a dreary start to the week, they make the day a little brighter. 

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