Category Archives: Gay

The Gay Soirée: An Invitation

It will be, quite simply, the hottest social event of the winter season, and you are cordially invited to attend.

Decadent, delightful, and nothing-short-of-divine, prepare for an evening of wild fashion, beautifully-blurred gender, and over-the-top eros – where everyone is welcome and no one is alone. As Norma Desmond once proclaimed over flaming red satin, “Let’s make it gay!” And so we shall… This will be The Gay Soirée.

One month from tonight ~ Saturday, February 8, 2014 ~ at a fabulous venue – The State Room – located at 142 State Street, Albany, NY ~ from 7 to 10 PM, we will return to the deliciously debauched world of the 1930’s, when cabarets spilled over with beautiful bohemians, sexy clientele, and to-die-for fashion. The music was hot, the cocktails were cool, and the guests were glitteringly gay (in any sense of the word).

That same magic will be conjured for The Gay Soirée. Ambiance and atmosphere provided by 1930’s cabaret music from Sonny & Perley, with dance music by DJ Robb Penders. Tickets may be purchased at www.capitalpridecenter.org or by calling 518-462-6138, and are $45 in advance, or $65 on the night of the event. There are also VIP tickets available at $75 which includes a 6 PM VIP Reception (during which complimentary wine will be on hand). All proceeds go directly to The Pride Center of the Capital Region, so you can feel good about feeling good.

Even if I wasn’t the Honorary Chair for this event, this is a party I would most certainly attend. (Since I am, you should see what I’m going to wear.) Get your tickets early so you don’t miss out!

Continue reading ...

Tom Daley is Dating A Guy

Holy shit.

Yes, Tom Daley, as he explains in this intimate and moving video, is dating a guy.

Though he says he still fancies girls, he had found a guy who makes him feel “so happy, and safe, and everything just feels great”.

That’s love.

“Right now I’m dating a guy, and I couldn’t be happier.” ~ Tom Daley

There are lots of questions left – is he gay? – but for now, I say congrats, and wish him well.

Continue reading ...

A Glambert Reborn

Though I haven’t seen ‘Glee’ in years, someone posted this on FaceBook and I was instantly reminded of why I loved Adam Lambert. He’s already been named a Hunk of the Day here, but if Tom Daley can get more than one shout-out, surely Mr. Lambert deserves just as much (if not more). There is no better show-man, and when the stellar theatrics are backed by such an amazing instrument (his voice, gutter-dwellers) I am nothing if not blown-away.

Continue reading ...

When FaceBook Gets Personal

There’s a lot of hate out here on the internet. In fact, if I want to feel really bad about the state of the world and witness the wretchedness of humanity, I’ll stop by any popular blog and start reading the comments section. (You’ll notice there is none here; I eradicated it long ago, not for excessive trolling or negative things, but for lack of meaningful content and discussion. The compliments were always appreciated, but they too began to ring hollow.) For those sites that do have lively comment sections, it seems that more time is spent policing and patrolling how far we can insult someone else before it becomes inappropriate. I hate that, and for that reason I rarely if ever look at the comments on other websites. The same is true on FaceBook and Twitter, where everyone feels it’s okay to say things they wouldn’t dare say to anyone in person.

Yet once in a while, amid all that negativity and the attacks of people who put up animals or celebrities or inanimate objects as their profile pic, a sliver of hope shines through, piercing the dim abyss of abuse and reminding me of the goodness and kindness that is out there – quieter and less attention-getting than the rest of it.

The other day it came in the form of a FaceBook message from one of my friends. (Now, I have a number of “friends” on FaceBook – and I don’t personally know the majority of them, but most are pretty cool and I’ll engage with anyone who is decent and respectful. I’ll also block you if you’re a cunt.)

His FaceBook page is like many others – random candid shots of vacations in tropical places, adorable pics with a criminally-cute dachshund, and the playful poses and broad smiles that come from being surrounded by friends. There is nothing remarkable or astonishing about it – but in that very ordinariness is the beauty of life. Far more, when someone reveals who they are, or a little glimpse of it in a personal message, there is the forging of a connection. Sometimes these are significant, sometimes they are fleeting, but they always mean something, even if it’s just a little reminder that we are not alone in this world.

I am touched by the simple wonder that each of us holds.

This is how his message read:

Hi Alan,

I was talking to a mutual friend last night, and I was explaining to him how you shared your coming out story with me when I was coming out. I’m not sure that I’ve ever told you, but I am forever grateful for your wisdom and support during that time. I was in a very bad place at the time, though few people truly knew the internal battle I was fighting. The struggle led me to become depressed and there were times that I wanted to end my life. After back and forth messages with you I realized that I could have a great life; that I could be like you – loved and admired by so many. That act of kindness on your behalf made a huge difference in my life. I had been waiting until I had the words perfect so that I could accurately express my gratitude. For many years I had a draft letter I wanted to send to you saved on my computer. I was unable to locate it. This message is not nearly as profound as I wanted it to be, but it will suffice.

After coming out to my family and few friends, I was embraced with support. This was something that I wasn’t expecting. Thanks to you, I had the courage to face my fear and to become proud of who I was instead of being ashamed of it. Words cannot express how you changed my life, and I’m very thankful for it. I’m not sure if you even remember, but I do. You changed my life for the better and I just want to make sure that you know.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you.

Bryan

 

I was moved by such a genuine, earnest message. I wrote back and asked if he would be willing to let me post it here, and he agreed. It is done not out of vanity or self-reverence (see the rest of this site for that) but out of a heartfelt wish that we can all treat each other as kindly. This is one of the main reasons why I’ve been doing this for over ten years, and why I will continue to do it for as long as I can. Thank you, Bryan, for reminding me that some things I’ve done have mattered, and for being one of the bright spots in this FaceBook world.

 

Continue reading ...

The Wedding of Eric & Lonnie

A friendship that starts on FaceBook is not usually something that goes beyond a few ‘Likes’ or ‘Comments’, but since Eric and Lonnie live near Ogunquit, we took a chance and took them up on their offer to meet up at an opening night cast party for a production at the Ogunquit Playhouse. It was an instant friendship, as Andy took to them as quickly as I did – and we hung out whenever we could in Ogunquit.

It was a joy to hear that they were getting legally married at long last (after fighting the good fight for marriage equality in Maine), and it was an honor to make it onto their coveted invite list. Their wedding was the impetus for this vacation in fact, and the reason for our journey to Portland, onto which we piggy-backed our anniversary celebration in Ogunquit.

Their home is an exquisite respite in Gray, ME – a gorgeous combination of old and new, and the perfect conjoining of two complementary personalities who have served as an inspiration to any couple looking to make it last.

As often happens to me at weddings, I found myself incredibly moved ~ even more-so when talk turned to the trials and travails of what it took to reach such a moment in history. if you’ve never been denied the right to marry the person you love, you can’t know the joyous appreciation of when it finally happens.

The ceremony was simple and casual, but somehow more meaningful for it. Both Eric and Lonnie spoke from the heart, in vows that brought us all to tears, and it was a brush with grace to be in the presence of such love. It’s something that emboldens all of us as human beings ~ the universal good-will felt towards two people who love one another, and who have lived a life together and made the promise to keep going. It never fails to affect me.

On the beautiful grounds of their home, the guests gathered and surrounded the happy couple. It was an idyllic moment ~ the heat-wave subsided as a cool breeze arrived, the storms stayed away, and the company of well-wishers – and the wonderfully fun friends and family of Lonnie and Eric – made for an unforgettable day.

A fun side-note: I have always wanted to attend a party or event where a harpist played, and it finally happened at this wedding. I followed this charming young woman around as she plucked her strings and brought such heavenly music to the surroundings. I asked if I could take her picture, explaining how it had always been a dream of mine to have a harpist at a party. She was gracious and happily posed for my exuberant picture-taking. I think she thought I was a little touched. She was very intuitive that way. 

The gardens were at their bountiful peak, spilling forth dahlias and daylilies, as grand urns overflowed with colorful petunias and begonias. It was as if the entire landscape had conspired to decorate itself for the wedding.

Some things are just meant to be.

Continue reading ...

A Day Late: All American Boy

If there’s a song, an artist, and a video that’s going to be get me into country music, this is all of that and more. Steve Grand is the first openly-gay male country performer I can recall, and he’s got balls to so eloquently be who he is in a genre that is filled with, well, folks who don’t embrace the gays. While the song plugs slowly along (I’m still not a fan of country, no matter how shirtless (and pantsless!) Mr. Grand may get) the video is kind of heartbreaking, kind of hopeful, and kind of resonant if you’ve ever had a crush on someone who’s just not into you.

Continue reading ...

A Great Gatsby Party For a Great Cause

Last week, to kick off Pride Week in Albany, and to benefit the New York Capital Region Chapter of GLSEN, there was a Great Gatsby Formal Party at 74 State. Even Andy donned a suit, and our friend JoAnn came in from Massachusetts to join us. Given the intense heat (it was 95 degrees the day of the party), I opted out of the elaborately-layered look I originally planned (long-sleeved shirt, vest, suspenders, bow-tie) and kept it simple with a short-sleeved polo shirt beneath a pink linen Brooks Brothers jacket. Sometimes, even for me, weather and comfort trumps fashion. Extreme heat and extreme cold will sway my sartorial choices more than the advice of friends.

I did keep the straw boater hat though, because some things were made to stand up to the heat. The leather half-chaps were also non-negotiable, as they were the key to my cross between Jay Gatsby and Tom Buchanan. Everyone assumed I’d go as Daisy, but I’ve never been that predictable.

For more information on GLSEN and the wonderful work they do, visit their website here. I love a party, but I love a party with a good cause even more.

Continue reading ...

The Rainbow Connection

Apologies for interrupting this string of Ogunquit posts, but after a tornado warning and a magnificent rainbow, I was inspired to post this song, a favorite from my childhood. It’s from a time before the rainbow had any other connotation than a covenant with God, a sign of peace, a thing of beauty and wonder. As a gay man, I like what it’s come to represent too. But for me, it will always mean something much simpler, recalling to mind a time of innocence, and childhood.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we’ve been told and some choose to believe it
I know they’re wrong, wait and see
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me…

The childhood bedroom of a boy ~ a boy who loved unicorns and rainbows and books and flowers and Miss Piggy and Tinkerbell and everything that a little boy isn’t supposed to love. A record player that had long-ago worn out the soundtrack to ‘The Magic Garden’ and ‘The Rainbow Connection’, that played the music to which he danced and sang for the only unabashed years of his life. A feather caught on the wind. A windowsill holding a flowering Haworthia. A honeycomb Easter bunny decoration he could not quite bring himself to throw away. These were the things he loved. These were the things that would not hurt him.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it. Look what it’s done so far…
What’s so amazing that keeps us star-gazing, and what do we think we might see?
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection ~ the lovers, the dreamers, and me…

This is where laughter was born. This is where tears were shed. This is where pain was first felt. There was innocence and there was shame, there was life and there was death, there was the child and there was the man to come. But on this day, on the comfort of a fluffy cream-colored carpet, ‘The Rainbow Connection’ played on the record player, the black disc spinning round and round, the scratches unnoticed because he was still unbothered. He loved to hear Kermit sing. He wanted to be Miss Piggy, but his heart ached for Kermit – for the outcast, the different, the one who understood why it wasn’t easy being green, and how that shaded everything, and everyone, else around him. He knew the loneliness of being strange, of liking books better than baseball, plants better than playing, the beautiful better than the bodacious, and he knew he would never belong.

 

All of us under its spell, we know that it’s probably magic…
Have you been half-asleep and have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailor?
The voice might be one and the same.
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it, it’s something that I’m supposed to be.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection ~ the lovers, the dreamers, and me…

Whenever he hears this song, it makes him cry. It brings him back to that room, where he is a boy again. It brings him back to being loved, but still being alone. It brings him back to where he pretends not to be, not to have ever been, and not to ever be again. Mostly, though, it makes him think of the perfect beauty of the rainbow, and the way that beauty never lasts. That’s what he will cry for tonight.

Continue reading ...

A Bus Full of Love, Headed for Marriage

My artist pal Paul Richmond (who so generously and graciously immortalized me a distant summer or two ago) is embarking on what may be the greatest ride of his life. He’s one of 25 gay couples heading to Washington, DC to get married as part of the “C-Bus Of Love” – a project sponsored by MarriageEvolved. He and his fiancé Dennis will travel to the Supreme Court with 24 other couples to get married in June, as the court makes its determination for marriage equality. (Be sure to check out the C-Bus site, especially the page with the couple bios – my favorite.)

Mr. Richmond must have had an eye on the future when he originally painted a work entitled “Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise.” According to the artist himself, “I painted a grand ark/cruise ship filled with happy gay and lesbian animal couples and a few human guests too (like Ellen DeGeneres/Portia de Rossi, and Elton John/David Furnish). There are even some drowning sinners (such as Ann Coulter, Larry Craig, Sally Kern, and Fred Phelps)!” It was a witty, colorful way of expressing some very serious topics, done with the whimsy, humor, and sharp political intent inherent in Richmond’s most powerful work.

In honor of his dedication to the cause at hand, Richmond has updated his piece to include the founders of MarriageEvolved, Joshua and Steve Snyder-Hill. The new “Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise: MarriageEvolved Edition” will be available on Richmond’s website (in three different sizes), and 100% of the proceeds from sales of the limited edition print will go toward the ‘C-Bus of Love’. Please check out the story of this worthy adventure, and donate if you can. When you think about it on the human level, when you see and read about these couples and realize their love and dedication and commitment – it seems inhumane and criminal to deny them the right of marriage.

Continue reading ...

Madonna’s Bar Mitzvah Boy

As previously noted, I have a strong affection for Vogue Boys. And the boys who dance to Madonna at their B’nai Mitzvah, well, they own a bit of my heart. You may have seen this guy when his video went viral a while back. His name is Shaun Sperling, and from the time he vogued his way through his own Bar Mitzvah, and years later into our hearts, he’s been advocating a life lived with true authenticity.

  

Look around, everywhere you turn there’s heartache,
It’s everywhere that you go.
You try everything you can to escape
the pain of life that you know.
When all else fails and you long to be
Something better than you are today,
I know a place where you can get away…
 

Sometimes the hardest thing to be is yourself. Yet it’s the only thing we should ever be. Mr. Sperling was aware of that at a young age, and today works to make sure that the message gets through to everyone. It takes balls to be so unabashedly who you are, without apology or explanation or excuses. It takes guts. It takes courage. It takes everything I didn’t have, not in any real way. Mine was all apathy and illusion, a desperate disguise, a fervent hope to not be discovered. Sperling had, at least judging from the video, a supportive cast of friends and family who clearly supported and loved him. How else can we so beautifully shine?

Mr. Sperling’s YOUniversity work celebrates “authenticity, self-respect, compassion, acceptance, and making your dreams come true”, and while it may sound a little Oprah-like, it’s not without merit. Sperling is living proof of this. Having appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show (with none other than Madonna herself), the Today Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and Huffington Post Live, he and his viral Vogue video have showcased a gay teenager who went on to do great things. (Attorney, writer, civil rights advocate, performer, and professional speaker are just a few of the hats he wears so jauntily.)

In the end, it still comes down to that video. A boy walked into his Bar Mitzvah, dressed in a baggy suit, to the cheers of his family and friends. He removes the jacket to reveal Madonna on his back, and the opening beat to ‘Vogue’ kicks in. The rest is all carefully-choreographed showmanship, deliciously proud attitude, and vicious Bar Mitzvah chutzpah – a coming-out party of defiant fabulousness. According to Shaun, “the best ingredient for living a successful life is knowing who you are.” The boy who danced on that video two decades ago knew who he was. The man he became knows even more. It’s not always an easy thing to discover, and the world doesn’t always make overtly welcoming gestures, but if you can stay true to who you are, if you can find out who you were meant to be, there are those out there willing to support and love you for it. Shaun is one of them.

Continue reading ...

Real Men, Real Women

Is it the tie? Is it the belt? Is it the shoes? What makes a real man?

For me, a real man is someone who can wear pink. Not because it looks good on him, not because it was chosen by his girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, but because he likes it, he’s comfortable in it, and he’s confident enough to pull it off.

A real man is someone who is happy enough in his own skin to not care what color his shirt or sweater is, who holds his head up high because he knows who he is, not because he knows no one will say anything as long as he’s in blue.

A real man would never say words like ‘pansy’, ‘fruit’, ‘flamer’ or ‘faggot.’ A real man doesn’t need to attack. Most of the time a real man doesn’t even need to defend.

A real man wears pink, not because it works well with almost all complexions and skin tones, but because it’s a damn good color – and real men know good from bad, and right from wrong.

—————

Is it the bag? Is it the necklace? Is it the make-up? What makes a real woman?

For me, a real woman is someone who can wear pants. Not because they look good on her, not because they were chosen by her boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband, but because she likes them, she’s comfortable in them, and she’s confident enough to pull it off.

A real woman is someone who is happy enough in her own skin to not care whether her pants are knakis or jeans, who holds her head up high because she knows who she is, not because she knows no one will say anything as long as she’s in a dress.

A real woman would never say words like ‘butch’ or ‘dyke’. A real woman doesn’t need to attack. Most of the time a real woman doesn’t even need to defend.

A real woman wears pants, not because they make her figure look good, but because there’s nothing a man can wear that a woman can’t wear better – and real women know good from bad, and right from wrong.

 

Continue reading ...

These Kids Are Screwed, But They’re Smiling About It

To be honest, it makes me wonder whether their parents are just trying to sabotage them. Why else would you go out of your way to teach your kids to hate like this? The photos here were taken from this rather upsetting post, where Matt Stopera asked the youngsters demonstrating against marriage equality to write down why they thought marriage should only be between one woman and one man. First things first: a little humor to lighten the situation, because that’s the best way to deal with the sort of anger I feel about this. (All captions are solely the inappropriate ramblings of my own mind.)

“One man and one women” – I think you are a little confused over the use of the singular versus the use of the plural. Get it straight – you should be good at that.

Aside from the unfortunate eye-make-up (ewww indeed – and we will never help you out with that if you don’t change your hateful ways) here is another instance of that tricky woman/women confusion. One would think that, being so staunchly against being with another woman, she would be less confused.

You know he’s on FaceBook angering everyone with this sort of misplaced-apostrophe madness.

Wait, marriage unites parents to their children? Umm, no. “Marriage is a child-centered institution, not an adult-centered one…”? Okay, that’s gross, and you are dumb.

Bitch, please. (What? She can call her Dad a ‘Queen’ but I can’t call her a bitch?)

YOLO? In your case, here’s hoping…

Oh you poor thing, it’s spelled “marriage”. And “believe” – look, you even got it right the first time!

Everyone makes mistakes.

_________________________________________________________________________

Now onto some slightly more serious commentary on these photos. They’re sad, disturbing, infuriating, and insulting on a number of levels. First and foremost, if you’re teaching your kids to hate like this, they’re going to have pretty miserable lives. I don’t care how much they’re smiling now, they’re in for a rough ride. Along those lines, if this is how you prepare your kids for the real world, they’re going to be in even deeper trouble. (Unless you’re going to work in a church, reciting Bible verses will get you nowhere.) But more troubling than that, an attitude of exclusion and narrow-minded thinking will set you even further back. We’re already starting to lag behind the rest of the world on this issue.

Finally, in what may be most damaging for the children here, consenting to have your picture taken with such signs will have lasting effects. These pictures are going to be their legacy. It will be a legacy of intolerance and ignorance. It will be a legacy of hate. These smiling portraits of active suppression will be their lasting contribution to the world. From this moment forward these photos will live on – in posts like this, on people’s hard drives, on FaceBook – and they will never be completely eradicated. They have cemented their status of being on the wrong side of history. Their own children may one day look with shame upon these pictures, wondering at how the mother or father they loved so much could put forth such hateful words against innocent people they never even met.

As upset as this makes me, as wrong and ignorant as it is, it won’t change my love or affect my future. It’s only going to affect theirs. That’s the saddest thing of all.

UPDATE:

The best rebuttal ever, by the pro-marriage-equality side, when asked to write a message to those who oppose marriage equality. (I don’t even need to correct – or add – anything, and it was much classier than mine.)

Continue reading ...

Madonna & Anderson Cooper

Madonna just presented Anderson Cooper with a GLAAD Award, while dressed as a Boy Scout. Never again ask why I love this woman.

 

Continue reading ...

Girls Gone Wild

When the Duchess says she’s putting on a Madonna Show, you go. This weekend Andy and I attended our first drag show in a couple of years, thanks to the efforts of Duchess Ivanna, Penny Larceny and a bevy of beauties. Everyone who has seen these ladies perform know that they don’t mess around – and this was no exception. From Ms. Larceny’s opening scorcher ‘Girl Gone Wild’ to the closing brilliance of Ms. Ivanna’s turn as an elegant Eva Peron in ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina‘, it was an evening of Madonna-centric magic.

The Duchess is staking a new claim for the Albany drag scene, bringing back old-fashioned blood-sweat-and-tears performances, something that Ms. Larceny has been doing for a while now. Every time she comes back (and it’s been a few times now), she’s a little stronger, a little fiercer, and a little more powerful. One of her greatest inspirations has always been Madonna, and on a night dedicated to the gay icon, it brought out the best in everyone. Condragulations to everyone at Rocks for putting on a great show.

Continue reading ...

The Madonna Show at Rocks: Tonight!

I’ve always been a fan of drag shows. The fact that a few select gentlemen have the courage and balls (no matter how well-hidden) to put on a dress, paint their face, and go out to put on a show as a lady will always thrill, impress, and fill me with pride. When you throw Madonna into that equation, it’s practically a religiously-orgasmic experience. Such will be the case tonight when Rocks presents ‘The Madonna Show’ at 7 PM.

It’s actually been a while since Andy and I have been to a drag show, too long in fact. But if there’s anything that will get us back into the swing of things, it’s Madonna. The fact that two stellar performers are putting it on – Duchess Ivanna and Penny Larceny – makes it all the more special. Both ladies are nothing short of fierce – and they know how to put on a proper show. (And considering that I’ve been house-bound for the better part of two weeks, I am ready to get out and partay!)

Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it.

Continue reading ...