Category Archives: Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale

“Art is a kind of innate drive that seizes a human being and makes him its instrument. The artist is not a person endowed with free will who seeks his own ends, but one who allows art to realize its purposes through him. As a human being, he may have moods and a will and personal aims, but as an artist he is “man” in a higher sense – he is “collective man,” a vehicle and molder of the unconscious psychic life of mankind. That is his office, and it is sometimes so heavy a burden that he is fated to sacrifice happiness and everything that makes life worth living for the ordinary human being.” ~ C.G. Jung

“Therein lies the social significance of art: It is constantly at work educating the spirit of the age, conjuring up the forms in which the age is more lacking. The unsatisfied yearning of the artist reaches back to the primordial image in the unconscious, which is best fitted to compensate the inadequacy and one-sidedness of the present. The artist seizes on this image and, in raising it from deepest unconsciousness, he brings it into relation with conscious values, thereby transforming it until it can be accepted by the minds of his contemporaries according to their powers.” ~ C.G. Jung

“The artist’s life cannot be otherwise than full of conflicts, for two forces are at war within him; on the one hand, the common human longing for happiness, satisfaction and security in life and on the other, a ruthless passion for creation which may go so far as to override every personal desire… there are hardly any exceptions to the rule that a person must pay dearly for the divine gift of creative fire.” ~ C.G. Jung

“I should advise you to put it all down as beautifully & as carefully as you can – in some beautifully bound book. It will seem as if you were making the visions banal – but then you need to do that – then you are freed from the power of them…. Then when these things are in some precious book you can go to the book & turn over the pages & for you it will be your church – your cathedral – the silent places of your spirit where you will find renewal. If anyone tells you that it is morbid or neurotic and you listen to them – then you will lose your soul – for in that book is your soul.” ~ C.G. Jung

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
30. Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
31. Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
32. Bowler Hat Masked Mayhem: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.

This is the tale of a downward spiral.

An impossibly-high life spinning wildly out of control,

a life that gave in to desperation and depression,

a life that burned of its own blood and toil.

A rage released.

He had tried so hard for so long, and eventually it proved to be too much.

He was lost again, given over to the dark forces of greed and corruption and the glitzy trappings of a decadent world.

Stumbling wildly along a path of destruction, tumbling down a steep hill of depravity, and fumbling fabulously toward a blazing finish, he will go down in glorious ruin.

Complete and utter devastation.

See the man behind the mask smolder and crumble.

This is the bewitching hour.

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
30. Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
31. Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
32. Bowler Hat Masked Mayhem: Part One and Part Two.

At this turn of The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale, we dive deeper into the darkness, featuring the first hints of the old ultra violence, and a nightmarish in-and-out of reality. The tortures we inflict upon ourselves when we choose the way of art, the transformations in which we indulge when fueling our creative fire – these are the demons that start rearing their heads as we encroach upon the final harrowing stretch of this fairy’s journey.

Back when I did this project in 2005, the demons that swirled in my head were largely of my own making, and as such entirely manageable and easy manipulated. This was all creative play. True, it had its roots in real trauma and buried memories, but I wasn’t quite ready to give real voice or expression to any of that without a proper mask or veil. These characters stood in for the real me, and in some aspects they took the blows of the real world.

While I can see that now, with the 20/20 hindsight of twenty years of lived experience, back then I don’t think I did. At that time it all felt real, and it all felt terrifying. What a luxurious stance of privilege and power, even if I didn’t realize it.

Because of that, posting this project now feels slightly quaint and innocent, which takes away from some of the drama and trauma that informed it. Distance does lend enchantment, and blunts the sharpest edges. And though there was no real danger of being cut then, somehow I still have scars.

The murkiness is the true terror – the not knowing what might have happened, the possibility of blocking it all out; there may not have been anything of danger or harm in the pool of inky water that blocks all light, but the idea of not seeing the safety is enough to remove it. And a child devoid of safety or security is a child deprived of love.

“Style is a shield; style is a sword; style is a crown; and style is also an automatic invitation card to the party at the end of the world.” ~ Quentin Crisp

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
30. Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
31. Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.

“Strange to be almost fifty, no? I feel like I just understood how to be young.”
“Yes! It’s like the last day in a foreign country. You finally figure out where to get coffee, and drinks, and a good steak. And then you have to leave. And you won’t ever be back.” – Andrew Sean Greer

To capture oneself in one’s youth is both a blessing and a trap, and it’s best to forge the key to that trap while you know your way around it. By the time you get around to returning to it, by the time you realize the trap has captured you as well, you will have forgotten how to unlock it.

“Wisdom comes with winters.” – Oscar Wilde

“I want to grow old without facelifts… I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I’ve made. Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you’d never complete your life, would you? You’d never wholly know you.” – Marilyn Monroe

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
30. Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.
31. Amber Vanity: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.

Mottled by the watery lens of time – two decades ago and counting – the photos from 2005’s Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale bring me back to a section of my life that feels very different from where I am today. A few weeks from 50, I look back at the year I turned 30 and reflect on how things have changed. In so many ways I was so serious then – perhaps serious isn’t the most accurate word – earnest, seriously earnest, may be more apt. It’s there in my expressions, there in my lugubrious prose. While I can now view much of it as humorous and tinged with irony, I could never quite laugh or find silliness in any of it then. There has been a great deal of healing and growth in re-examining this project, something that wasn’t close to possible twenty years ago.

The next chapter of this divine saga begins tomorrow…

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
30. Pretty, Oh So Pretty: Part One and Part Two.

“It would be both foolish and cumbersome to continue our everyday existences in bliss without first denying to ourselves, for the sake of excusing our own repugnance, the inherent cruelty from which modern civilization was conceived…And there can be no other path by which a fiercely competitive, yet social species, as humanity, can afford its members the level of safety, prosperity and stability—such that we enjoy now— without its initial pangs of cannibalism, brutality, dominance and cruelty to forge the foundations, very much like the lava which formed the ground upon which we now stand. Lava still erupts from the core. Brutality, Dominance, and Cruelty similarly erupt from ours; and they are no less prevalent now than in early human history.” ~ Ashim Shanker

“I stood up as best I could to their disgusting stupidity and brutality, but I did not, of course, manage to beat them at their own game. It was a fight to the bitter end, one in which I was not defending ideals or beliefs but simply my own self.” ~ George Grosz

“How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In those delectable moments, the whole world is ours; not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world, we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold.” ~ Marquis de Sade

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.

“If a man were to look over the fence on one side of his garden and observe that the neighbor on his left had laid his garden path round a central lawn; and were to look over the fence on the other side of his garden and observe that the neighbor on his right had laid his path down the middle of the lawn, and were then to lay his own garden path diagonally from one corner to the other, that man’s soul would be lost. Originality is only to be praised when not prefaced by the look to right and left.” ~ Quentin Crisp

“Without knowing it, I was acquiring that haughty bearing which is characteristic of so many eccentrics. What other expression would you expect to find on the face of anyone who knows that if he turns his head too quickly, he will see on the faces of others glares of stark terror or grimaces of hatred? Aloofness is the posture of self-defense.” ~ Quentin Crisp

“I asked many people why they drank so much but never received an explanation that I fully understood. It was the tales of their escapades while under the influence of drink that brought me nearest to comprehending their need for it. It seemed to give them a few hours of freedom from rules which, during the rest of their lives they reluctantly obeyed. If this was true, then in the example of my life lay a cure for drunkenness, though it was hardly an answer which Harley Street would have approved. The prophylactic is, never to conform at all.” ~ Quentin Crisp

~ The Divine Diva Tour: A Fairy’s Tale ~

1. Pink Frilly Fairy: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three
2. Homage to Herb: Part One, Part Two and Part Three
3. A Purple-Hued Interlude
4. Style & Panache: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
5. Purple Puff Confection: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
6. A Blue-Hued Interlude
7. Fuchsia Fabulousness: Part One. Part Two and Part Three.
8. Bad Boy Bangs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
9. Vanity Under Where: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
10. Sugar Plum Ballerina: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
11. A Pool Frolic: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
12. A Cemetery Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
13. Powder Blue Fur Doll: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
14. A Milky Interlude 
15. Rock Out, Cock Out/ Hang Out, Wang Out: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
16. Cocktail Cocktale: Part One and Part Two.
17. A Fairy’s Interlude: Part One and Part Two.
18. Willy Wonkers: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
19. A Peacock In Everything But Beauty: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three.
20. Swan Lake Fantasia: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four.
21. Black & White in Briefs: Part One, Part Two. and Part Three.
22. Weave of Basket, Weave of Rope: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part Five.
23. Chains of Gray to Color: Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.
24. Black Jockstrap: Back Entry: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
25. Super Fairy Interlude: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
26. American Psychology: Part One and Part Two.
27. Jocks & Frocks: Part One, Part Two and Part Three.
28. Wigging Out Interlude
29. Shedding Selves & Beating Oneself Up: Part One and Part Two.