Alan Ilagan

It’s not often that I get to use the term ‘codpiece’, so for that alone I guess I am grateful to Adam Lambert. Now, in his defense, from what I understand these were taken at Mardi Gras in Sydney, Australia – which is about the only place that this is acceptable attire (well, I know of some other ones, but we won’t mention them in polite company). It’s not the codpiece that I mind, as much as the total, umm, package.

There’s just too much spandex, too much body harnessing, too much (and this is the first time I have ever uttered this) glitter… And at the same time I’m strangely proud of the boy for having the balls – leather-bound and all – to do this, Mardi Gras or not.

But as a whole… no.

I’ve been given the honor of being one of the fashion reviewers for the Grammys on Kristi Gustafson’s On the Edge blog. (I love how she linked to my engagement announcement too!)

This is going to be so much more fun than competing in the Best Dressed Man of the Capital Region contest a few years ago, as this time I get to do the judging.

I’ve often told the story of how I lost out on being voted Best Dressed in High School because I refused to kow-tow to grunge. (The winner, Sean Moron – not his real name, but close enough – wore ripped flannel shirts every day in the year of Pearl Jam and Nirvana.) It was a popularity contest back then, and I’ve never been that popular, but it still stung. (Most of my classmates were as clueless as Nomi when it came to Versace.)

This time around it’s the rich and famous musicians that are getting critiqued, and with the likes of Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert roaming free, it’s going to be a fun, and hopefully bumpy, night.

Dear Adam – You certainly managed to turn the American Music Awards into your coming out PARTAY! While I applaud you for that, I would have done things a little differently. First of all, the song you sang, ‘For Your Entertainment’ is a pretty good one, but no one could tell from the manner in which you screeched your way through it.

Second, a little shock value is good, but too much is just too much. The guys on leashes, the simulated oral sex, the crotch rubbing, the man-on-man kiss (which in and of itself is not that shocking for some of us)… you should have picked one and made the most of it. You would have gotten the same press, but far fewer complaints. Instead, it just felt like one assault after another, shock for the sake of shock – and while I’ve never been one to question such antics (see Madonna, obsession with) you probably would have accomplished more with a performance that focused on the music (especially on a night filled with over-the-top production numbers – even your own little stumble paled in comparison with Jennifer Lopez and her epic ba-dunk-a-dunk-THUD).

That said, you’ve successfully manufactured a pop culture moment, mobilizing the masses (even if it is against you) and put yourself into the infamous/notorious role that you’ve been longing to fill. It just felt a little too manufactured, and I fear you may have shot your wad a little too soon. No one likes an early comer.

For an opening act, it was definitely something to behold, and I’ll check out your album and probably buy a few tracks. But remember this: anyone can make a stunning entrance with enough shock and awe – the real talent is in making it last. If the music’s not there, I’m going to feel like a duped one-night-stand – and believe me, I know that feeling, I do not like it, and I always make the offending party pay.