Pulling back from participating or fostering family involvement has been one of the most unexpectedly game-changing moves I’ve made of late, and it comes from a natural and mutual removal of my presence for various reasons. Family will always be family – that won’t change, nor would I want that to change. My responses and engagement, however, have changed, and my participation and proactive attempts at being included have dropped entirely off – mostly unnoticed, so apparently I wasn’t doing all that much before this.
It’s been an integral component in how stress-free this particular holiday season has been, and I’m looking to expand upon it even more going forward. Too many of us force ourselves to keep the same detrimental patterns and cycles going just for the sake of family. We subject ourselves to tension and discomfort and repeated situations where we are shown in action and deed how little we are thought of or understood, and we return for more of the same hurtful behavior over and over because… family.
I’m not buying into that anymore, and I say that without any specific grievances in mind because history is enough. Breaking such cycles us actually a way of getting closer to family – it allows for more honest relationships, and a clarity in what we will accept. It also delineates boundaries – something that many families deliberately discount because they’re family. There’s something intrinsically destructive about that, and it’s easy to get lost in the messed-up patterns that we take part in perpetuating.
Personally, I’m learning what I want my place to be, and it’s a good shift. Best of all, no one has really noticed, further evidence of what matters and what doesn’t.
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