A sad cowboy love song will never be in short supply – it’s the nature of the beasts – the beasts that we are when we fall in love, and the beasts that we become when love fades. For better or worse, the first half of my life was not without such moments, and I’ve had more than my fair share of beastly gents. (In our college years, Suzie once responded to an inquiry on whether I had boyfriend that, “He’s had a lot of… bad boyfriends.” And I’d only had maybe three by that time.)
As I look at the letters that you wrote to me
It’s you that I am thinking of
As I read the lines that to me were so sweet
I remember our faded love
Cowboys have their share of messy entanglements as they navigate a freewheeling lifestyle designed to be lived outside of societal norms, and that means some messy love affairs and doomed romances. Cowboys were meant to elicit and inspire great passion – they live for the tackle, the wayward bull, the wily snake – and that comes in waves that create and destroy, often at the same time. While our fictional cowboys just met with a seemingly-romantic start, the reality is a different sort of story, and you already know there isn’t going to be a happy ending.
I miss you, darling, more and more every day
As Heaven would miss the stars above
With every heartbeat I still think of you
And remember our faded love
Before Andy, fall was my usual time for falling into doomed and often-unrequited love – most of my dalliances taking place largely within my head, and only the sad endings and awkward non-starts playing out in real life due to a special combination of nerves and weirdness and generally strange behavior: I simply wasn’t like anyone else, and while I can celebrate and embrace those differences now, back then I only wanted to fit in and be normal and fall in love.
I think of the past and all the pleasures we had
As I watch the mating of the dove
It was in the springtime that you said goodbye
I remember our faded love
Cowboys get a number of things wrong – it’s the cost of being a cowboy – but they generally stay true to themselves, to the lifestyle they’ve coveted and curated. There is honor and nobility there, and those things are dying out at an alarming rate. In that sense, more of us should be like a cowboy. Because while they may make their mistakes, they do it with integrity and honesty. No one seems to bother with either today.
I miss you, darling, more and more every day
As Heaven would miss the stars above
With every heartbeat I still think of you
And remember our faded love
In that way, I know what’s it’s like to be a cowboy. I made mistakes, I fell for the wrong guys, over and over and over again, because it was my destiny to fall – and I did it all willingly, knowing it was wrong, and knowing they were wrong for me. I would have done anything for love, and often did – at my own exquisite pain and expense. Was it worth it, in the end? I don’t know… it’s too early to say because I hope this isn’t quite the end. I only know that I still remember all those silly boys, and I’ll bet none of them remember me.
And remember our faded love…
