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When you realize that you stand entirely alone in a world that celebrates togetherness, you cannot help but feel forever out of place and at odds with any environment in which you find yourself. When you feel out of place or alienated from your own family, that’s a whole other level of trauma. 

Unique, that’s what you are
Stilettos kicking vintage crystal off the bar
Category bad bitch, I’m the bar (ooh)
Alien superstar, whip, whip

Andy recently said that he’s always sort of felt like an alien in his family, and at that moment I understood exactly what he meant, as well as why we get along so well; with such a shared experience we understand things in the other without having to voice it or figure it out – we simply get it, and it’s something that people who have always belonged will never understand. It’s a loneliness, a strength, and a way of survival that sets us slightly apart from most people with more functional family units.

I’m too classy for this world, forever I’m that girl
Feed you diamonds and pearls
Ooh, baby, I’m too classy to be touched
I paid ’em all in dust
I’m stingy with my love

And this isn’t an indictment or criticism of our respective family units – merely an observation, a way in which we have always felt like the outsiders, and a valuable component in finding sanctuary with each other. It’s also made us stronger and better people; when you have to forge your own family, without children or traditional ties, you develop methods of emotional survival that put other trials and tribulations to shame. We have to be strong that way, because we will grow old without the support of kids, and that’s a daunting concept for most people. For now we have each other, and there’s home enough in that. 

Unicorn is the uniform you put on
Eyes on you when you perform
Eyes on I when I put on
Mastermind in haute couture
Label whores can’t clock, I’m so obscure (unique)

We learned long ago, from pain inflicted both purposely and inadvertently, that we could only count on ourselves. It should also be noted here that just because we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t deserve as much love and support as those who can’t. Alas, that’s not the way the world works, and love sometimes has an unfortunate way of flowing along the easiest path. 

Masterpiece genius, drip intravenous
Patty cake on that wrist
Tiffany Blue billboards over that ceiling (unique)
We don’t like plain
Always dreamed of paper planes
Mile high when I rodeo, then I come down and take off again (unique)

For my part, I subconsciously went about conjuring ways to be as enthralling and captivating as possible to prove my own worth, especially when those closest to me couldn’t be bothered. Andy forged his ways as well, and happily we met in time to create a life together for the last twenty-five years. 

You see pleasure in my glare
Look over my shoulder and you ain’t scared
The effects you have on me when you stare
Head on a pillow, hike it in the air

“Another thing I learned in therapy?… The kids in dysfunctional families who act out and rebel are the ones who are the healthiest mentally. They’re the ones who see that something’s wrong. That’s why they act out, because they see the house is burning down, and they’re screaming for help. That was you.” ~ Meg Shaffer

I got pearls beneath my legs, my lips, my hands, my hips (U-N-I-Q-U-E)
I got diamonds beneath my thighs where his ego will find bliss
Can’t find an ocean deep that can’t compete with this cinnamon kiss (U-N-I-Q-U-E)
Fire beneath your feet, music when you speak, you’re so unique
Unique, that’s what you are
Lingerie reflecting off the mirror on the bar
Category sexy bitch, I’m the bar
Alien superstar

“At some point in the life of every scapegoat, the clock will strike the midnight hour, the masks will come off, and the aggression of family will reveal itself.” ~ M. Wakefield