Category Archives: Tiny Threads

Dramatic narrator’s voice: Out of all the first world problems, perhaps the greatest is coaxing the California King duvet back into its cover.

#TinyThreads

When branding turns dangerous. Three corn cobs do not a difference make!

#TinyThreads

Why does the phrase “You don’t say” actually mean “You do say”?

#TinyThreads

I can say anything I want with my thighs.

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That terrifying moment when you get up in the middle of the night to pee, and it’s dark but you’re pretty sure you know where to aim because you’ve been doing this for well over four decades, and you let loose but don’t hear the sound of urine hitting water – there is just silence, so you’re pretty sure you’re still somewhere in the ceramic basin and you adjust a bit hoping to hear that reassuring sound of liquid pouring into liquid, but it still doesn’t come, so you readjust again, only to more silence. Then you shake it off, flush the toilet, and hope for the best in the morning.

#TinyThreads

If you’re lucky, the most annoying part of your day is when your socks aren’t pulled on all the way.

#TinyThreads

When a new urinal cake is the highlight of your day at the office, what does that mean?

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A little of ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ goes a long way.

Why didn’t anyone think to stop at half a dozen?

Or at those slow golden rings? The song stalls there anyway.

Plus, most of those gifts are utter nonsense. If my true love gave me any of that crap he’d be gone before we got to three French hens.

And what the hell is anyone going to do with eight maids-a-milking? I don’t drink that much milk in a year.

#TinyThreads

I cannot think of a more stressful situation than doing a yoga class with co-workers in the middle of a work-day.

Nama-stay-away.

#TinyThreads

Remind me again why everyone loves Christmas?

This ball of ornament hooks is SOLID. 

Impenetrable.

Unextractable.

#TinyThreads

Food Network holiday cooking championships have filled the void left long ago by those classic Christmas cartoons. 

{See also Hunk of the Day Jesse Palmer.}

#TinyThreads

I’m too old to know what Fortnite is. 

And too busy with other things to care. 

#TinyThreads