‘If you remember one thing from my story let it be this: in life – and in love – nobody falls harder than a cowboy.’
Never thought I’d be embracing the Country-Western vibe that is set to embody this fall season of ALANILAGAN.com, but sometimes we become that which we resist the most. There’s a lesson hidden somewhere here, a lesson that may or may not become more clear as the season progresses – for now, I’m learning what it means to be a modern-day cowboy, and at the moment it feels closer to my heart than sequins or feathers. There’s a story here too – probably several, as stories tend to beget more stories – and I’m going to take my time telling it. Fall is always longer than we think it will be.
I spied a poor cowboy wrapped up in white linen
Wrapped up in white linen as cold as the clay
“I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy”
These words he did speak as I boldly stepped by
“Come sit down beside me and hear my sad fortune
I was shot in the breast and I know I must die.”
What is a cowboy?
A cowboy is a vision.
A cowboy is a fashion.
A cowboy is a fusion.
A cowboy is a herder – of cattle, of people, of thoughts, of ideas…
A cowboy is a rancher – of land, of earth, of imagined mindscapes…
A cowboy is a poker and prodder – of cows, of friends, of lovers, of strangers…
A cowboy is a dreamer – of dreams, of hopes, of tomorrows…
A cowboy gets up to ride again, no matter how many times he was rode hard and put away wet.
Go beat the drum slowly, and play the fife lowly
Play the death march as you carry me along
Take me to the graveyard then lay the sod over me
For I’m a young cowboy and I know I’ve done wrong
Shattering what we’ve been led to believe, the real heart of this country – America, in whatever broken sense or state we find ourselves in right now – is a fierce independence, a willingness to go it alone, the way the founders of our country broke off from England all those centuries ago – and a fierceness at odds with the current administration which wants the dumb and stupid sheep to do as they say without questioning or wondering at basic easily-discerned truths.
The real essence of America is freedom and the right to live as authentically as we feel. Forget the flag-waving skewered views bent and misshapen to a white nationalism and Christian cult that wants nothing more than to destroy and hate anyone remotely different. The real American embraces our differences, celebrates everyone’s right to live out their lives as they so choose, and offers grace and acceptance to those in need. That dovetails with the basic tenets of a cowboy, whose philosophy has largely been to live and let live. There’s nothing more American than a cowboy – and a cowboy won’t mind any of your business so long as you don’t mind his.
Go gather around you a crowd of young cowboys
And tell them the story of this my sad fate
Tell one and the other before you go further
To stop their wild roving before it’s too late
At his heart, a cowboy is a loner and a rebel, Pee-Wee Herman style. He sets his own beat, dances his own dance (Tequila!) and lives his own life. If he’s invited you to be part of it in any way, that’s a rare and precious gift, one that shouldn’t be squandered or scoffed at – and one that will likely not come many times in his life. And just because you’ve been included once doesn’t mean you will be again. A cowboy reserves the right to withdraw at any time, and will often do so. Being left out of their circle once you’ve been in can feel like a harsh exacting of a price you never realized existed, a bit of heartbreak you never knew you were inflicting.
It was once in the saddle I used to go dashing
It was once in the saddle I used to go gay
First to the dramhouse and then to the cardhouse
Got shot in the breast, I am dying today
A cowboy is not sentimental; a cowboy is not without heart.
A cowboy is a conundrum, but not a problem to be solved.
A cowboy is his own torture.
A cowboy is his own salvation.
A cowboy is his own worst enemy.
A cowboy always slays his worst enemy.
The cardinal rule for all cowboys was simply to never fall in love. Falling in love posed the greatest threat to the existence of a cowboy. There would always be temptations to do so, but a true cowboy understands that this is their biggest choice in life – this is what makes them a cowboy – and it’s what separates them out from the others. Fierce and ferocious independence.
Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin
Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin
Put roses to deaden the clods when they fall
Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold water
To cool my parched lips, ” the cowboy said
Before I turned, the spirit had left him
And gone to its giver, the cowboy was dead
The essence of a cowboy is in his solitude. They need their alone time. They cannot afford to get attached. They cannot become co-dependent. Solitude is integral to how they make their way in the world. It is the key to their survival, and to fall in love would be to risk that essential solitude.
To fall in love would be deadly to a cowboy.
That’s worth a pause to consider.
A cowboy is an attitude.
A cowboy is a rebel.
A cowboy is a creature beholden only to himself.
A cowboy makes his own rules and abides only to the cowboy code.
A cowboy makes his own way while longing for something he knows he will never find – and that doesn’t mean he won’t try.
We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly
And bitterly wept as we bore him along
For we all loved our cowboy, so brave, young, and handsome
We all loved our cowboy although he’d done wrong
All this being said, sometimes life doesn’t always follow the tried and true path that we all think we know so well. And some cowboys did fall, and made perfectly happy situations for themselves by living with someone else and not going it completely alone, but they were never quite full-fledged cowboys after that, were they? More often, some fell and found themselves in perfectly unhappy situations, cowboys being largely disagreeable to bending for others. But if there’s one thing you take away from this entire fall of the cowboy, I ask that you remember this, especially when you are feeling ungenerous, unkind or unmerciful in your estimation of anyone else’s unhappy ending: in life – and in love – no one falls harder than a cowboy.
The FALL of the COWBOY: Autumn 2026 at ALANILAGAN.com
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