Not gonna lie and not gonna pretend: I’m not sure I have it in me for this pair of last dances for the unofficial end of summer weekend, but we’re gonna try and put on a show for you anyway. That’s what a good gay guy does – in the face of misery, tragedy, and even death, we learned how to put on a proper face and dance, because sometimes that’s literally all we had. This song has been a staple in the gay clubs of my youth, and even later, always coming on at the end of the evening to give everyone who needed a warning to scatter before the lights came on.
Last dance
Last chance for love
Yes, it’s my last chance
For romance tonight
I need you by me
Beside me to guide me
To hold me, to scold me
‘Cause when I’m bad, I’m so, so bad
When I think of the gay men who came before, so many of whom were extinguished by the AIDS epidemic in the 80’s and 90’s, I marvel at how little was done for so long, and how such a large segment of a community could just be allowed to perish like we did. And then I think about today, and how little the current generation seems to know or remember about those scary days. At selfish moments, I feel grateful – for having survived, for having been too scared to do anything of real danger, for being made to be strong because there was no other choice. Had I not been forced to grow up with such life or death choices, I’d be far less decisive today – and a whole lot weaker too. It gave me a perspective that most young people don’t have, because death is supposed to be a lot further away than it ever was for us at such a young age.
So let’s dance the last dance
Let’s dance the last dance
Let’s dance this last dance tonight
Last dance
Last chance for love
Yes, it’s my last chance
For romance tonight
These days, it’s not so much about life and death choices as it is about simply trying to live better before the long slow march to death really picks up speed. Well past the halfway mark, I’m already on the downhill trajectory, and every year seems to move faster. It’s all a bit exhausting, really, and sometimes the energy to slow the motion and stop the slide is more than I have available, so I spin slightly out of control, losing myself and my center.
Oh, oh, I need you by me
Beside me to guide me
To hold me, to scold me
‘Cause when I’m bad, I’m so, so bad
Losing oneself at this stage of life can be a dangerous thing – there’s far less time to correct major mistakes, and some blunders simply can’t be fixed so I’ve been careful to try to avoid those. Not always successful, my falters and foibles only really hurt myself more than anyone else, but if I can prevent that it’s still better than going completely bonkers. I reserve the right to do so, however, and you should reserve the right to freak the fuck out if/when it happens, because I have all the receipts and will take the world down with me in a great big ball of flames. Of course, it will be pretty as fuck…
So let’s dance the last dance
Let’s dance the last dance
Let’s dance the last dance tonight
