The Easter Bunny and I have been trauma-bonded since that fateful photo shoot in the former Mohawk Mall, in which I was held against my will on a terrifying bunny’s lap. Of course you will get that shot below, because it’s everybody’s favorite fucking picture of me, people being gratuitously thrilled whenever I’m in peril or in uncomfortable situations. Maybe that’s why nothing fazes me anymore – you’ve all worn it out of me over the years.
Since no one was going to even bother protecting me from my fears, I was forced to face them head on, from the moment they paraded me into the dim lair of this Easter Bunny from hell to all the other hellish events I fought against over the years. And don’t tell me you didn’t know I was terrified – it’s on fucking film! (See below – that’s not a happy or calm kid.)
Alas, a little Easter Bunny trauma bonding only served to fortify me for future battles, and they would prove to be far more frightening than a purple-tulle-collared bunny.
Happy Easter everybody!
