This is supposedly the ad for David Beckham’s new H&M Bodywear line that’s set to air during the Superbowl, which, along with Madonna, may make this sporting event the gayest one that has ever existed. I mean, David Beckham in his underwear AND Madonna at the half-time show? Where’s a boy supposed to look first?

There will always be some sort of cheap thrill to be gleaned when David Beckham shimmies into his skivvies for a photo shoot, and especially when he releases a line of “bodywear” under his own name. Given that he’s done just that, and we are about to be deluged with an avalanche of moody black and white photos showcasing his shirtless physique and cloth-bound package, I thought it would once again be like those heady (and ballsy) days of that first Armani underwear campaign.

For someone of his stature to front the original promos with his prominent bulge bursting forth in a tight pair of white briefs was bold and brazen. Instantly iconic, the above pic solidified his gay-pin-up status then and there. In the ensuing ads, artfully styled and lit, he continued to go where no man of his fame-level had gone before.

Now, he has released his very own line of underwear, and the first set of ads has premiered. My reaction: one big yawn. In the same way that Mario Lopez played it safe with his debut underwear line, Mr. Beckham seems to have misplaced his balls (metaphorically at least, as they’re still very much front and center in these pics). At least Mr. Lopez went for some slightly more interesting ads (if boxing can be considered more interesting.)

Beckham simply opts for the ubiquitous gray backdrop, and himself front and center. This would be fine if there were something more exciting to sell. Dull color selections, and even duller styles, do not make for a splashy entrance into the design world. There is nothing remotely imaginative or exciting about these pieces. Given that they are being sold as bodywear, there may be more of a sense of function rather than fashion to them, but come on – the majority of buyers aren’t going to be soccer-playing DILFs – they’re going to be urban gay guys who expect a little more bang for their buck.

I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’ll never look at Mr. Beckham in his briefs again, but as far as getting excited over this latest batch of bulges, the thrill is gone.

Because David Beckham is always good for a spot of underwear flashing.

Looks like an early ad for his new line of underwear at H&M. I like the more realistic aspect to this photo, even (and perhaps especially) if it makes him look less fit than that to which we are accustomed (think Armani airbrushing). However, there’s not much creativity on display here, but when you’re David Beckham and you’re in your underwear, I suppose everything else is beside the point.

Mario Lopez is apparently launching his own line of men’s underwear. Ho hum. I say that while not being completely unimpressed with Mr. Lopez’s obvious physicial attributes. Hell, I’d kill for those abs and that chest, not to mention the arms and legs… but I delightfully digress. I just don’t get the point of a new men’s underwear line if this is it. Briefs and boxer briefs – how utterly and unapologetically original. And that “cute” waist band slogan – nothing but embarrassing. If I’m trying to seduce someone, I’m not going to wear underwear that says something in hand-printed block letters. This isn’t grade school.

It is entirely possible to inadvertently go commando. Let me explain by going over a bit of my daily routine. Every night, before I go to bed, I lay out whatever outfit I’m going to wear the next day. This saves time in the morning, and makes for better decisions. (Here’s a helpful hint going out to several of my co-workers: if you pick out your outfit in the light of the previous day, it saves so much heartache. For all of us. Especially those that have to look at you. I can’t tell you how many people apparently get dressed in the dark. Navy will never go with black. Ever. Personal opinion only.) But I digress…

When the morning comes, and I head into the bathroom for a shower, I bring in the outfit for the day and set it down, closing the door behind me and jumping into the shower. If I have forgotten to put a pair of underwear in the pile, I am always – always – too lazy to go across the hall and find a pair, so I simply go without. That’s how I end up going unintentionally commando now and then. Sometimes, it’s a nice change-up.

It’s the little thrills that matter.

Most guys (straight guys at least) don’t change their underwear style too often. They find something that they like and stick with it – forever. I’m not that way. I’ve been known to change up my underwear hourly if the situation arises (don’t ask). In the last few years, though, I have seen subtle patterns in my underwear-wearing emerge, mostly due to the seasonal variations of the Northeast. I hadn’t really noticed until I started getting into the boxer briefs this week and then it dawned on me. From now until the winter, there will be a gentle transition from briefs to boxer briefs to regular boxers.

The main difference between briefs and boxers is a delicate differentiation in comfort and temperature. I liken it to the distinction between gloves and mittens. Gloves, while form-fitting and tight to the skin, are actually less warm than mittens in the winter. The same principle seems to apply to briefs – which seems at odds with what most people might think. I find that boxers – like mittens – are a bit warmer. Body heat and humidity get to move around a bit, instead of being whisked away by the capillary action of fabric fibers close to the skin.

Yes, this is a shoddy bit of science, probably none of it true – but mind over matter. And, as always, style over substance. As long as my underwear matches my outfit, I’m happy. Onward to the boxers!

For the tennis fans out there. (Of which I am not one…)