Alan Ilagan

{Note: The Madonna Timeline is an ongoing feature, where I put the iPod on shuffle, and write a little anecdote on whatever was going on in my life when that Madonna song was released and/or came to prominence in my mind.}

Traveling down this road,

Watching the signs as I go,

I think I’ll follow the sun,

Isn’t everyone just traveling down their own road,

Watching the signs as they go,

I think I’ll follow my heart…

Finally! This is the first Madonna song that the iPod has chosen from her Ray of Light album – my favorite, and in many opinions the best, record she’s ever made. ‘Sky Fits Heaven’ is one of its stellar tracks – for the wondrous traveling images, and the metaphysical musings she proffers.

I can’t say that there is a definitive memory I have of listening to this song (though the whole Ray of Light time period was an emotional one) it’s a welcome reminder that we’re all on this journey, and it is the journey that matters.

This is also a great driving song if you have a long way to go – shifting (some might say jarring) changes in tone, time signature, and style keep it always interesting, while the glorious soaring chorus makes you feel like you’re taking flight, that anything is possible, and the road you’re on is the only road you’ll ever need.

Madonna gave a rousing aerial performance of this song on the Drowned World Tour in 2001 (see below) – where she flew around the stage in the kick-ass Geisha portion of the show. Yes, actual flying – because she can. 

It’s a very good place to start.

Song #10: ‘Sky Fits Heaven’ – Spring 1998

{You can play the song, but please ignore the cheesy slide show.}

The official start of summer is upon us, and though it’s been many years since I had summers off, I still get a thrill when the season arrives. There are many summer memories I could share, but most fall flat in the retelling because they don’t so much encapsulate an extraordinary event or interesting happening as much as they evoke the feelings I had at the time.

I remember the summer of 1998 quite distinctly, though I wasn’t working full-time. Staying with my parents was the easy way out of a hot city summer in Boston. I think it was during the last few weeks of my retail stint at Structure, and I was in and out of the Malls constantly. The sterile white-washed brightness of Crossgates, so cool despite its roof of windows, offered respite from the heat, and though I spent many moments walking in its endless hallway with countless other shoppers, I often felt alone and isolated.

Madonna’s ‘Ray of Light’ single had just dropped and I picked up the CD-maxi with the B-side ‘Has to Be’. It was from her ‘Ray of Light’ sessions, ambient and moody, and perfect for the purgatorial summer doldrums that were about to set in.

Outside, the car was an oven. I opened the windows and cranked the AC before stepping back out into the sunshine. A wave of heat escaped, rising above the steaming roof. Tearing off the plastic wrapper, I pulled the CD out and examined the artwork. A bright multi-pointed star spun around its axis, the same minimalist fare on an aqua background that signaled the ‘Ray of Light’ release.

In the CD player, Madonna’s voice intoned, “Breathe in, breathe out… I say a little prayer.” A dirge-like plaintive delivery with the cool, watery, electronic vibe provided by William Orbit, the song was rightfully a B-side, but like most of her throwaway work, there were a few glimmers of brilliance.

I know there’s someone out there
Waiting for me,
There must be someone out there
There just has to be…

I should be glad that I’m alive,
It could have been much worse.
I might have never loved at all,
And never known what I am worth

In the heat of the afternoon, summer left me feeling haunted, and restless. I went back to Boston, walking the steamy streets at night and waiting for love to reveal itself.

First off, a disclaimer: my gaydar sucks. It didn’t register George Michael until 1996 when he was singing Jesus to a Child (far from his gayest song). It still hasn’t triggered for Anderson Cooper.  And if it hadn’t been for his dick in my mouth (and vice versa), I’d never have known Andy was gay.

The few times it has gone off have not yet been proven conclusively. Harold Ford Jr. sets it off whenever I see or hear him on the television. The impeccably-dressed guy at work had it ringing, even after everyone confirmed the existence of a live-in girlfriend. And then there’s Ricky Martin.

The first time I saw him was at the Grammys (it was Madonna’s big Ray of Light year, and she opened the show and ended up winning four trophys). Mr. Martin was singing La Copa de la Vida (The Cup of Life) (conveniently embedded below) and at the 0:54 mark I thought, ‘GAY.’ It only crossed my mind for a second, but then it happened again at 1:50 and my mind just went, ‘GAY.’

That night was his first big public appearance  just before he stormed the world with Livin’ La Vida Loca, so most of us didn’t know him that well. (I for one certainly hadn’t followed the many members of Menudo.) As with many semi-attractive (he does nothing for me) single men, there was much speculation about his sexuality at the time. Since he wasn’t my type, I couldn’t have cared less. It wasn’t until recently, and the following photos, that my gaydar perked up again.

Now I suppose it’s possible that straight men do wear speedos, and outside of this country many do. But aside from Daniel Craig doing a James Bond ocean scene or David Beckham being, well, David Beckham, most famous straight guys just don’t rock the speedo (which, granted, is a shame for those of us who like to look.)

These were taken a few years ago (before he went and adopted or birthed a couple of children – are they biologically his? Don’t know, don’t care. I do know he’s already posed shirtless with them, which to me seems both gay and odd…)

The point is, he’s never publicly come out, so my gaydar remains infuriatingly inauthenticated, and Ricky Martin remains infuriatingly unknown.