(Photo: Paul Buckowski/ Times Union)

I love how she is all smiles and cheer in the photos that accompany the Times Union piece, as if she is proudly saying, “Yup, I’m a bigot! I don’t believe gay people have the right to marry! But I have some gay friends, or at least know of some gay people, so it’s okay!”

Now, I’ve run into a lot of bigotry and homophobia of late, and what is most interesting to me is the fact that there are still people willing to put it out there. For that, I applaud Rosemary Centi. She is willing to take a stand for her homophobic beliefs, to stand up loud and proud and all but proclaim, “I am a homophobic bigot!” She is an example of how foolish and hateful people look when they do foolish and hateful things in the name of religion. I could not have painted an uglier picture of Ms. Centi than she herself has done.

This doesn’t make me as angry as some might think it would. If anything, I’m glad she’s putting her idiocy and hypocritical behavior out there for all of the world to see. The majority of people – myself included – will shrug at her stupidity for proudly proclaiming her bigotry with a big fat smile. She obviously takes her small token bit of power very seriously, as most small-minded people do, so to have her out of the fray in dealing with something as important as marriage is more of a relief than anything else. There is, though, a slight problem inherent in Ms. Centi’s picking this particular issue on which to take a stand.

I will never deny her or anyone the right to their beliefs or religion. This country was founded upon those freedoms. However, if she’s going to take the hard religious line against marrying gay people because of her Catholic faith, she’s got to follow through and not marry anyone who has been divorced, or has had children out of wedlock, or who has had sex prior to marriage. Those are all no-no’s for the Catholic faith. Is she really going to claim that all the people she’s already married haven’t fallen into any of these categories? Surely there are records…

(Photo: Paul Buckowski/ Times Union)

Finally, I hope Ms. Centi understands that her stepping down as marriage officiant does not mean she won’t have to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, because as town clerk, those are part of her duties. So really, she’s still kind of marrying gay people, which, in essence, means the only thing she’s done here has been to make a big news-splash of her bigotry. Well done. It makes it so much easier when the bigots stand up for their beliefs instead of hiding.

Most of all, I want to thank Rosemary Centi for resigning as marriage officiant because I don’t know anyone who would want to be married by someone who so clearly doesn’t understand what it means to love. Acceptance and love, as this former altar boy recalls quite distinctly, are basic tenets of the Catholic faith.

No offense to Lady Gaga, but this is so much better than the original verison of the video.

It feels different when it’s your own rights that are being decided – and when the right decision is made, it feels a little overwhelming. The majority of people won’t ever know what that feels like (that’s why they’re the majority). But for the minority of us who have been denied certain basic human rights – to anyone for that matter who’s been hated or discriminated against for being different – being granted the acknowledgment that we are equal is a big thing. I hate to say that it validates us, because we have always been valid, but in a way that’s what it feels like.

It says we are human.

It says we are worthy.

It says we deserve our love.

As I sit here writing this, with tears once again welling up in my eyes, I am simultaneously touched, saddened, emboldened, and exhilarated that I get to live in this great state, in this great country – where so much is wrong, but where so much can be made right.

I have to admit, until we received it, I never realized how much it bothered me, and how much it worked to silence me. Last night, as we passed people on the way to the gay bars where we were going to celebrate, I walked proudly down the street. It used to be that I would cower a bit and hasten my pace, hoping they wouldn’t notice my white pants or flamboyant shirt. I used to keep my head down and avoid eye contact, remembering moments when someone would shout “fag” at me. Not tonight. I walked with head held high, daring someone to say it. Tonight I felt liberated.

How sad that it was that way, and I wish I’d had that same belief in myself for all these years, but I didn’t. Because no matter how well I carried myself, no matter how confidently I may have come across, internally I never really felt it. That’s what a society that treats you as less than equal has the power to do. It is soul-crushing – it is a stamping-out of one’s spirit, a trampling of one’s heart.

Over the years I put up many barriers and a lot of armor to deal with all my doubts and feelings of inadequacy – a wardrobe to impress, a wit to charm, a nonchalant arrogance and aloofness that was meant to read as ‘I don’t care what you think of me, I’m just as good as you’ but I never, ever truly believed it.

This morning, as the sun begins to peek out from behind a bank of clouds, I’m starting to believe.

This is Sam Trombley, a Republican legislator from Clinton County, NY. He thinks gay marriage would bring about an HIV epidemic. No joke. The good folks over at LGBT Nation reported on this and explained things better than I ever could, so I’m just going to print their fantastic coverage and leave it at that:

While the debate over marriage equality continues to rage in Albany, one legislator from Clinton County, New York, fears that an HIV epidemic will break out in the Empire State if gay couples are allowed to marry.

Sam Trombley (R), while at Wednesday night’s meeting of the Clinton County legislature, voiced that he couldn’t understand why the health department focused on tobacco and smoking, but not homosexuality.

“I’m surprised the health department has not come out against this because we are going to have an HIV epidemic if this passes,” Trombley said.
Then, he attacked the very idea of homosexual relationships, saying that the idea “blew his mind.”

“You don’t see two male dogs sleeping in the same dog house together,” said Trombley.

Apparently, Trombley’s fellow legislatures were silent, some of them shaking their heads in disagreement as he spoke.

Of course, there’s much wrong with Trombley’s statement; the mere idea that an HIV epidemic would sweep the state because gay couples are now allowed to have their relationships recognized is ludicrous. If anything, having their relationships recognized as being equally worthy relationships will only strengthen couples’ commitments to monogamy.

But for those who are not in committed relationships, did Trombley ever consider the impact that finally having their own government recognize them as a full, equal citizens could have on their sense self worth? With a great sense of self worthy comes a lower chance that one might engage in the kind of risky behaviors that result in STDs like HIV.

If anyone has helped bolster HIV over the years, it is they who have told an entire portion of the population that they are less than their fellow human being — less than dogs, even.

From LGBTQ Nation.

Yesterday Andy and I attended the Rally for Love & Marriage at the State Capitol. It was my first rally, and it was awash in love and respect. The crowd was estimated at around 500, which was way more than I thought would be there. There was some singing and the occasional brief chant (both of which I do not do in public), but more importantly there were supportive speeches by Assembly Persons, Senators, labor reps, and various religious leaders of all denominations. It was a powerful statement on how much of this state supports marriage equality.

Kicking it off was Republican Senator Jim Alesi, who was the first to break ranks with his party and give a definitive ‘Yes’ for marriage equality. Based on the thunderous applause he received, it struck me that the political consequences for supporting marriage equality go both ways. In this instance, Senator Alesi gained a number of fans. Senator Roy McDonald is the only other Republican to indicate his support for the bill, and he’s seen his own support ebb and flow from it. It also struck me that Senator Skelos – the Senate Majority Leader – will likely be held responsible should this bill not come to a vote, and that will have its own political fall-out.

Personally, I would want to be on the right side of history, on the side of equality, but that’s why I’d never make a good politician. For now, the fate of marriage equality rests in the hands of a few Senators in the state where I was born and raised. I hope, and I pray, that they make me proud.

It’s the smart thing to do.
It’s the right thing to do.
And it’s the time to do it.

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the vitriolic words & the violent actions of the bad people, but the appalling silence & indifference of the good people.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

That’s all going to change tomorrow, as my husband and I intend to be at the Rally for Love and Marriage at the State Capitol from noon to 1 PM in support of Marriage Equality. This is, quite simply, the political fight of my life. It directly affects me and my most loved one (Andy) as well as countless others whom I hold near and dear to my heart.

I wasn’t planning on going to this one either. I think it was seeing the baseless hatred of those protesting marriage equality – especially those who had come from outside of the state – that moved me to insist on being there in person. Andy and I have lived together in Albany for ten years. We had to go to Massachusetts to get married. Not everyone has that luxury – and for those that don’t we have a duty to give them the chance at happiness that we had – and that everyone should have.

Religion has no place in determining a civil marriage. This country was founded on the notion of separation of church and state. New York State – and the whole system of government for that matter – was founded on those very same principles of freedom and fairness – and most of all equality for all.

The arguments against marriage equality are feeble, weak, and barely-disguised in their homophobic nature. They fall when confronted with reason, intellect, acceptance, and love. That’s why I’m going to be at the Capitol tomorrow, with my husband. And that’s why you should be there too.

This isn’t just a gay issue. An injustice to equality diminishes everyone. There should be no place for that in this country, and certainly not in this state. Please remember to call (and get everyone you know to call) your senator by going to http://www.friendfactor.org/ronz

Here’s the official info:

Please join New Yorkers United for Marriage: Rally for Love and Marriage

There are a number of issues still to be resolved in Albany, which means the Legislature will be staying beyond today’s June 20th deadline.

We are heartened that there continues to be respectful and productive dialogue on the issue of marriage equality and believe we are getting close to a vote on the Governor’s marriage bill.
- – -
New Yorkers United for Marriage asks you to join us at a Rally for Love and Marriage tomorrow –Tuesday June 21 — at noon outside the Capitol in Albany. (West Capitol Park, outside the State Capitol.) Together, we will make sure that all New Yorkers will soon be able to marry the person they love.
- – -
TRANSPORTATION INFO: **Megabus runs from NYC to Albany, check schedule below:
Departs 7:00 AM New York, West Side of 9th Ave between 31st St and 33rd St
Arrives 9:45 AM Albany, Rensselaer Station
2hrs 45mins
1 seat = $12.00
www.megabus.com

Sen. Mark Grisanti (518) 455-3240 (Buffalo, Niagara Falls)
Sen. John Flanagan 518-455-2071 (Long Island)
Sen. Stephen Saland 518-455-2411 (Poughkeepsie)
Sen. Kemp Hannon 518.455.2200 (Long Island)

No matter what happens with the Senate’s vote (or non-vote) on marriage equality, Andy and I will always have this: http://www.timesunion.com/opinion/article/N-Y-should-allow-gays-to-marry-1426180.php

Sometimes the love of a parent – and the unconditional support only they can offer – means more than anything else in the world. Once again, love trumps injustice, love conquers discrimination, and love obliterates all arguments against itself. That’s what marriage has always been about – love. The fact that a strict, practicing Catholic like my Mom can see that is proof that this issue is not about religion.

For me, marriage has only been about love. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? Granted, there are numerous laws and rights that go along with it, but I’ve always considered those beside the point. Andy and I got married because we loved one another, and wanted to make that commitment. How does this threaten the institution of marriage? How does it do anything but embolden and celebrate it?

Those who are opposed to same-sex marriage are, in essence, attacking marriage itself. They are against the whole idea that two people who love each other should be so joined. They are the ones who are turning marriage into something other than the simple union of two people who want to spend their lives together.

As for Andy and myself, we’re lucky enough to be surrounded with loving and caring friends and family who fully support our marriage. No legislature, no government, and no religion will ever change that.

Here’s my Mom’s letter as published by the Times Union:

I believe marriage equality will eventually become the law of the land. New York may choose to be one of the first or one of the last states to grant this basic right. I hope we will go down in history as being a leader rather than a follower.

History rarely criticizes societies for granting human rights. On the contrary, it condemns human rights violations. Marriage is an ancient, venerable institution, due the utmost respect. Individuals are also due the utmost respect. Marriage is, in part, a public institution in the sense that it carries legal rights guaranteed by civil law. It is also private in its nature, involving only the married couple.

In 1974, I married a man of a different race. At that time, there were places right here in the United States where my marriage would have been viewed as a crime. The Alabama state Senate did not repeal the ban on interracial marriage until 1999. Yes, 1999.

The arguments against interracial marriage were similar to the arguments against gay marriage, in the sense that they were based on ignorance. My marriage of nearly 37 years has neither undermined nor damaged the institution of marriage. It has had no effect on the marriage of anyone else. Similarly, the marriage of a gay couple could not impair the marriage of any other couple. Unfortunately, these arguments die slowly.

I urge the state Senate to finally pass the Marriage Equality Act. There is no valid reason not to do so.

-  Laurel Ilagan, Amsterdam, NY

I’ve been fighting for this for years – in letters to the editor, letters to Senators, on this blog, in the real world, in interactions with friends and family, and in my day-to-day existence living openly as a gay man. If gay marriage doesn’t become law in New York State, it will not change my relationship with Andy. It will not negate our love or diminish what we have together. It will not be fair or just, but it will not break my heart.

And so, I offer what I wrote two years ago, as a reminder. Hopefully it will not hold true again:

To the 38 New York State Senators who voted against gay marriage today:

You have done your best to deny me and countless others a basic civil right.

You have done your best to prevent loving couples from being legally joined and recognized as such.

You have done your best to stop me from marrying the man I love.

You have failed.

Next year I will marry my fiancé Andy in Massachusetts, and New York will recognize that marriage as it currently does for all gay marriages performed in states and territories where it is legal. Each of you Senators who voted against it today will be forced to recognize my gay marriage next year. You will also be forced to recognize that you have lost all my votes, all the money that would have remained in New York State, and all the respect and honor you would have earned historically, morally, and personally.

There is nothing moral about denying love, and there is nothing honorable about delaying civil rights.

What you wanted to stop is one man from loving another man, and one woman from loving another woman.

What you wanted to stop is a loving partnership between two devoted people.

What you wanted to stop is love – and that’s the one thing you cannot stop.

You can deny us our rights for as long as I’m alive, but you will never stop me from loving Andy. You cannot touch us – you cannot reach that love – and it must absolutely tear away at your very soul, because that’s the only reason I can think of for even attempting to stand in the way of love. But that is on your conscience, and your vote is on the record for all time, and you’re the ones who have to live with it.

- 2009

This is probably one of the only times I will post something from Fox News, but this is worth it.