The Sleepless and Restless
One of the best parts of being in a relationship, at least for me, is not having to sleep alone. The comfort of having someone next to you during the night can soothe and erase many of the ills that may have happened during the day. When Andy comes into bed, my mind is set at ease, and I can sleep easily and calmly.
The problem is, he doesn’t come to bed at an early hour – and for the past three nights he hasn’t come in until after 4:30 in the morning (which doesn’t bode well for those of us who have to be up at 6:30). As I’ve explained to him, I have no problem going to sleep earlier than him, so long as he comes in at a somewhat decent hour. But if I wake up at 2 AM and he’s not there, then I can’t get back to sleep because some part of me is waiting for him to come to bed – then my mind starts racing and thinking about things – like everything that worries me – and then I can’t sleep at all. If he’s in bed next to me, I have no problem. I can fall right back to sleep, and it’s usually pretty peaceful.
So this is the conundrum, and I’m at a loss as to a proper solution, but something has to give as I’ve been walking around like a stunned mullet for the past few days because I’m not getting enough sleep. I would love to keep the hours Andy does – but I can’t sleep until noon unless I stop working. We could also sleep in separate bedrooms (if I know he’s not coming to bed, I can sleep – like when I’m away traveling – because my mind isn’t waiting for him – it’s another fun psychological tick of mine) – but sleeping in spearate bedrooms isn’t something I particularly want to do – as I said, those precious few hours a night when it’s us together mean a lot to me.
For now I’ll just hope we win the lottery so I can quit my job and sleep all day too.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
.. sitting here on the sidelines.. it seems that the ‘problem’ is yours.. and not Andy’s. There are some very reliable and effective.. and highly addictive sleeping medications you can take.. that will keep you from waking up during that ‘critical’ 2 am period.. don’t forget to wash them down with liquor.. lift some out of your dad’s Dr’s sample cache if you have to.. or you can forget the drugs and just drink till you pass out. .. anything else I can help you with ?
February 11th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Would it be easier, if you just assumed that Andy wasn’t coming to bed at all? Its kind of strange that you can sleep when you are not with him, in a strange bed and in a strange hotel but knowing he is awake bothers you. I tend to think that you are the one who has to deal with this problem more than Andy. If he tries to sleep earlier he may prevent you from sleeping because he’ll be tossing and turning all night.
February 12th, 2010 at 7:45 am
my now dead former lover had similar complaints.. that I needed to hold him or he couldn’t get to sleep. But I always suspected that the real problem was not that I didn’t go to bed when he did.. but that I got to sleep late when he couldn’t. I don’t remember him complaining about our sleeping arrangements in the spring and summer.. when it was light and comfortable when he had to wake and get ready for work. But in the winter, when he was getting himself ready for work, it was dark and cold, I got to sleep late, and stay warm and bundled-up in a comfy bed till a later hour.. and I suspect that was the actual cause of his complaints. .. not that you’d ever be jealous of anyone else’s comfort.