Alan Ilagan

The Proust Questionnaire originated in a game made popular by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that an individual reveals his or her true nature by answering these questions. (In modern times it’s better know as the end page of Vanity Fair, and the best part of the magazine.) Here are my answers:

What is your idea of perfect happiness? The day before a party or vacation, when all is hope and possibility and what might be.
What is your greatest fear? Being unintentionally offensive or mean.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I’m too critical of others, but mostly of myself.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Cruelty.
Which living person do you most admire? Madonna.
What is your greatest extravagance? Just the one? My Louis Vuitton Keepall 50.
What is your current state of mind? The one I’m usually in – a state of preparation.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Friendliness. Why bother?
On what occasion do you lie? When a decent person who I don’t know that well asks me if I like their outfit and I don’t. I’m not very convincing though.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? Being between a 30 and a 31 in both the waist and length of pants. I’d like less of the former and more of the latter.
Which living person do you most despise? Believe it or not, I don’t completely despise anyone. Though certain people irritate me, and I won’t name them. You know who you are.
What is the quality you most like in a man? Integrity.
What is the quality you most like in a woman? Integrity.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? You know what? Forget it.
What or who is the greatest love of your life? Andy.
When and where were you happiest? Memorial Day weekend in Ogunquit, Maine – each and every year.
Which talent would you most like to have? I’d love to be able to sing well. (I am well aware that I can’t.)
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? To be more forgiving, inwardly and outwardly.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Probably my coming-out Letter-to-the-Editor lo those many years ago.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? How would I know?
Where would you most like to live? Ogunquit, ME and Boston, MA with a winter get-away somewhere warm.
What is your most treasured possession? I’ll never tell because people will want to see them.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Loving someone who doesn’t even care that you exist. (Not that I would know.)
What is your favorite occupation? Traveling.
What is your most marked characteristic? I’d like to think it’s my wit, but probably my honesty, even when it hurts. For instance your hair… is that really how you want it to look?
What do you most value in your friends? Their ability to overlook and forgive all of my foibles.
Who are your favorite writers? Fitzgerald, Wharton, Gregory Maguire, Colin Harrison
Who is your hero of fiction? Gatsby.
Which historical figure do you most identify with? Aside from Imelda Marcos? Oscar Wilde.
Who are your heroes in real life? Artists, writers, painters, photographers – anyone who is creatively driven.
What are your favorite names? Andrew, Suzie, Ilagan
What is it that you most dislike? Self-righteousness, and it’s getting rampant.
What is your greatest regret? Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do.
How would you like to die? I don’t think I would.
What is your motto? It’s from the aforementioned Oscar Wilde: The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.