Alan Ilagan

When last I posted, it was the end of October, so this is going to be one long-ass post as a way of thanks (?) for all of you who have stayed with me. Since that time, I feel like I’ve aged about twenty years, thanks to a trio of injuries that have left me mostly sidelined from the game of life. (Things are obviously askew when I’m using sports terms as if I know what I’m talking about. For instance, are sidelines part of baseball, basketball, football, or foozball? I have no idea. Is “foozball” even spelled remotely correctly?)

Back to where I’ve been. At the end of October I visited my friend (and future wedding officiant) Chris in Washington, DC. The last time I was in Washington proper was when we attended my Aunt’s funeral, and prior to that it was my Uncle’s, so I was expecting an emotional wallop. What I didn’t see coming was the physical wallop that hit me upon arrival.

After stowing my bags at the Fairfax Hotel until check-in time, I strolled around Dupont Circle. I was walking beneath a large chestnut tree when I heard a rustling above me. Looking up for the squirrel or animal that was high in the sky, I was hit directly in the eye socket by a nut that must have come from 100 feet in the air, because at first I thought someone had punched me in the face. There was literally that much pain. Staggering a bit, I fought to open my eye and avoid any embarrassment of someone seeing me felled by a fallen nut. After fifteen minutes or so, my eye was just barely beginning to open, but things were blurry and bloodshot, so I wandered a bit until my room was ready.

The Fairfax was great, but the enjoyment of all that sumptuousness was put on hold when I pulled out my contacts and plopped into the pillows, hoping that a few hours of shut-eye would heal whatever wounds had been inflicted. Waking in the afternoon, things were a little clearer. My eye was still extremely bloodshot, but it looks that way after a hard night of drinking anyway, so no big deal.

Chris and I then had a more subdued weekend in Washington – dinners and limited cocktails, a visit to Anu and Cormac and their kids, a stop at the National Zoo (where I had my favorite moment watching the giant pandas), a few of the Smithsonian museums (including the bug room that freaked me out as a little kid – I swear the same guy was there trying to get me to hold a terrifying scorpion in my hand), as well as a dinner with Stacey and Juan.

It was a very different sort of trip, in a good way, and it proved that the ghosts I was expecting weren’t all that unfriendly – with the possible exception of whoever had the nut delivered upon my head.

Upon returning home, I threw my back out bending over in the shower (that phrase is much more fun than the way it really happened, so I’ll continue to use it – shout out to my boss who recommended against it). I ended up crying out in pain and lying on the bathroom floor wrapped like the little baby Jesus in a swaddling white towel. It was so bad that I couldn’t even put on my socks the next day (a task performed by Andy, who seemed to enjoy it a bit too much for it to be the hindrance it should have been). On his advice and the confirmation of my medical parents, I took a few of his muscle relaxants and went on a steady diet of Tylenol.

Just as my back started to feel better, I was running upstairs into the attic and banged my bare foot on the top step. It hurt a bit, but I only thought that the second toe was a bit bruised. The next day I could barely walk on it, and it had turned an alarming shade of dark purple, so we went to the urgent care office (surrounded by coughing, sneezing flu-ridden common people) where they took a few x-rays and just ended up buddy-taping it (my new favorite term). Apparently even if it were broken the treatment would be the same – something I wish I had known before making the trip, because even an imbecile like me can buddy-tape a toe or two.

Once the limping subsided, I threw my back out again with a single sneeze. Are you fucking kidding me?! A sneeze. This time was even worse, so I ended up back at the doctor’s and on two heavy-duty medications. The doctor warned me that with the first one I wasn’t supposed to drive, and then asked if my job required me to be alert at all times. I busted out laughing and told her not to worry. The second medication, according to Andy, makes a bitchy person even bitchier. This was more of a concern to me. And by me I mean everyone around me.

I’m currently on Day Three of the meds, and to be honest I haven’t noticed all that much of a change. A little more sleep, a little less pain, the same general bitchiness. What’s all the fuss about?

So that’s where we’re at. A few exciting bits for the future: there is a New Tour on the horizon. In 2010 I will embark upon my penultimate touring adventure – A 21st Century Renaissance: The Resurrection Tour.

Coming even sooner is my contribution to a group show at the Capital Repertory Theater for their production of ‘My Fair Lady’ – I have four framed photos featured, taken on my last trip to London. They have been hung, so if you’re in the area stop in to check them out.

Once again, this lengthy post is a symbol of thanks to everyone who has stayed with me during the site’s renovation. There are still a number of issues to work out, so hang in there. Soon enough it will be all shiny and new, like the very first time…