Alan Ilagan

…But I don’t hate it as much as I once did. (I’m talking about the city, not the state.) I’m heading down there today and hoping it will be one of the better trips. I don’t visit the city for the city itself – there’s got to be something that impels me to hop on a train and brave the hordes and masses. Usually it’s a show, or to see friends (in this case it’s to hang out with Chris while he’s up from Washington, and present a wedding invitation to Suzie at breakfast). And maybe to do some shopping (I cannot tell a lie). But for the most part, the charm and lure of NYC has eluded me.

I get down a few times during the year, nestling into some cheap online hotel in the Chelsea area (though lately I’ve used Priceline and gotten a few 4-star hotels for $100-120 – unfortunately these have been in Times Square, which is where I’m staying this time as well). Times Square may well be the very reason I hate going to the city. It leaves me with this “sinking humanity” feeling. So many people, so much poor taste, and such a lack of decorum. I just get overwhelmed, like I’m suffocating in a sea of human beings. It’s hard to explain, but it’s the reason I can only take the city in small doses.

There have been some good moments, like getting briefly cruised on the street by Rufus Wainwright before he became so well-known. (He had a pink scarf on that caught my eye, and only after he passed did I realize who it was.) A night at the Roxy when Madonna was rumored to make an appearance (she never did, but it was still fun). Sipping cocktails at the Plaza with Chris before meeting an ex-boyfriend for the first time since he dumped me.  Eating peach ice cream in a frilly lunch place during a summer day with Suzie and our Moms. Seeing Grey Gardens with Andy on the coldest night in January after a sinful steak dinner at Gallaghers. Walking through the Village on a late Spring night, as the light was just beginning to stay around past bedtime.

These moments are few and far between, having taken place over a span of twenty years, and my heart would still rather be in London or Boston on any given day.